Dear Herpes Girl,
I read your post card on this week’s Post Secret (www.postsecret.com), and I just have so many things to say to you. First, honey, WHAT were you thinking not using a condom? Using a condom properly and consistently will prevent pregnancy 97% of the time, and is the only method of contraception that protects against all sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV [1].
I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you did use a condom, but that (a) dude didn’t tell you that he had herpes and (b) the outbreak was outside of the condom’s protective area. For that, I’m really sorry. He should have told you that he had herpes. And if he didn’t tell you, you should have ASKED. I know it’s uncomfortable asking someone in the heat of the moment—or anytime, really—if they have or have had any STIs, but it’s going to be a lot less uncomfortable than painful ulcerating lesions [2]. And if the outbreak was outside of the condom’s protective area, well, I don’t think there’s much you can do about that, especially considering that some outbreaks don’t have visible symptoms.
But honey, one of the most disturbing things in your note was that you wished that you’d had a chance to be a “slut” before contracting herpes. What, exactly, is a slut? Is it someone who has had multiple partners? If that’s the case, what about those people who have been in multiple monogamous sexual relationships? Are they sluts?
I’m going to venture to say no, because these are people who are sharing their bodies with a person who treasures it as much as they themselves do (or, I at least hope that’s the case). These are people that are taking measures to protect their minds, hearts, AND bodies. Being in sexual relationships is part of being an adult human being, and how far you allow that to go and with whom is your own business. Responsibility is not slutty.
On the other hand, if you’re talking about people who will sleep with near anyone and everyone without being a monogamous relationship, well, that’s a different story. But that kind of activity still doesn’t deserve a degrading name; it deserves a talking-to and maybe retaking a sex education class. As you’ve by now experienced, unprotected, risky sexual behavior is medically unsafe. It also takes its toll on you emotionally—sexual intercourse releases a hormone called oxytocin that causes you to bond with your sexual partner. If you break that bond, it becomes harder to make the next bond stick, even harder for the one after that, and so on and so forth [3]. And if you’re bed-hopping even just once a week, that gives you 52 INDIVIDUAL chances to contract something. It’s 52 times that you’ve broken that biological bond. It’s dangerous to both your heart and your body, hon. Think about that.
It pains me that in your mind, women who sleep around are automatically labeled as sluts. And yes, I say women because I’m pretty sure that your assessment doesn’t apply to men. Are men who sleep around sluts? In my mind, if we’re going to be name-calling, yes. Men who sleep with tons of women deserve to be called sluts. But does anyone deserve to be called a slut?
“Slut” is a really harmful name. It can completely shred a person’s self-esteem for no good reason. It can cause the recipient of such an insult to begin engaging in risky behavior, when before, he or she was a normal, sexual being.
I urge you to do three things, dear: one, go buy yourself a box of condoms and keep them in your purse and bedside table. I recommend Trojan 2Go for your purse; with their hard case, they’re less likely to get mangled. They can be purchased here: http://www.condom.com/trojan-2-go-ultra-thin-condoms.html. Two, get a prescription for Valtrex; it will help with preventing outbreaks, which will make your life more comfortable and help keep your future partners’ health safe. Three, please fix your attitude concerning having multiple partners. If you do, we’ll have a lot fewer broken women walking around out there.
Safe and Happy Banging,
Kathryn
1. World Health Organization, “Effectiveness of male latex condoms in protecting against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections,” http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs243/en. Internet. Accessed on 8 October 2009.
2. World Health Organization, “Herpes virus type 2,” http://www.who.int/immunization/topics/herpes_2/en. Internet. Accessed on 8 October 2009.
3. Your Amazing Brain, “The science of love,” http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm. Internet. Accessed 8 October 2009.
DISCLAIMER: This post is the exclusive opinion of the author and does not reflect the opinion of the United States, the United States Department of Defense, or the United States Army. Additionally, the above photo is credited to ABC News (Photo Illustration).
