Deep breath.

You have to slow your breathing. The feeling of slipping deeper and deeper leaves you hanging on a precipice of entangled emotions.

Harder you whisper into his ear as he stretches your legs open, searching for the lost city of atlantis; It’s been so long since you’ve felt this.

You hold your breath as you think in your head, “We should really be using a condom.” And it’s not the worry of an STD; it’s the worry of getting knocked up.

Fuck it.

You know if you told your friends every time the ask, “are you being safe? Did you use a condom?” you are going to lie to them. You are going to look them right in the eye and lie because you don’t want to know the truth.

It’s your drug.

He turns you over and grabs your hair and pulls, slamming you back into reality.
OH god, you start hissing to him, you’re making me cum.
He grabs your tits and squeezes hard, too hard. You yelp partially from the pain and partially because you want him to rip it off. You want more pain.

He yanks your head back again by the pigtail and says he wants you to have your way with him. So you turn around and throw him down. You slowly tease him, just as you saw in that one porno, and he pleads with you to end his suffering.

Ride me he says. And you obey.

You mount him and start riding towards ecstasy. You remember this feeling now, the wetness, the sweat, the glorification of pure sexual enjoyment and then, it hits. You start shaking and you can feel your thighs starting to hurt. God, it’s been so long.

Panting, you both separate from each other and take a moment to catch your breath.

He turns and looks at you and says you have this glow coming from your face.
It hurts too much to try and stop from grinning.
You start laughing and wipe away the sweat from your forehead.
It’s been far too long.

All you had to do was let go.

-Carla

Come alive baby, after all you’re wearing red. Stop, love, bleed, strive but don’t just sit there swimming in it. Red screams for passion and begs for attention. I know it’s your favourite colour and all but you have no clue what to do with it, do you? You should know that I’m not to fond of the color, yet funny enough it’s the shade that my bare legs and bloated fingers have adopted in this moment with you. You. I sit here and stare into your empty eyes, seeing anything but red. I see shades of grey and hues of muddy brown circling two jet black balls – your damn dead eyes make me sick. I wanna rip that shirt off and burn it – you don’t deserve red just like you don’t deserve me.

As I sit here on the floor (because you wanted to stretch out on the couch and it’s “too hot” to lay together after we just “laid” each other) staring up at you as you zip, button and buckle I wonder if this is anything what an 18-year-old’s life should be like. I ask myself the same question that I uttered after the first month of knowing you “why do I associate with this guy?” Two years later and that question rotates in my brain like an electronic advertisement without rest.

Though things haven’t changed much for you, there has been a difference in me (that disgusting L feeling). Yet, after all of this time you don’t have a response to the only phrase that is meant to be a question. You can still stare blankly into my face despite being just inside my body and have nothing to say in return to my three worded question. I wonder sometimes if it hurts you deep down inside that you are unable to love me. I wonder if when our heated bodies slide along each other’s and our mouths consume one another if you have ever been burning to just erupt and say, “Damn Shannon I love you!”

I wonder if you have ever lost yourself in me; even if just for one moment. Have you ever secretly surrendered your pride, inhibitions, and common sense to my love? Do your legs quiver when our bodies melt into one? Does your stomach do the tango every time we kiss? Or do you only feel a contraction in your lower contraption? Does your only satisfaction come from an orgasmic reaction? How can sex with you do nothing for my body yet rock my soul? And how is it that sex with me rocks your body without stirring your heart?

isn’t this song the hookup anthem? fav line: babe if I don’t feel it, I ain’t fakin no-no

If it isn’t your boyfriend/ girlfriend and you are sexually active with someone, please feel free to choose one of the titles to describe your relations: Casual Sex, Hooking Up, F*&% Buddies. Point blank dears it isn’t “complicated” or “different” it just simply is what it is.

This post is really in anticipation for Teen Vogue writer and author Rachel Simmons, who will be featured here in our first “Wild Girl Exposed” post within the next week. On her blog she wrote a very controversial post, “Why The Hookup Culture is Hurting Girls” The article sparked rebuttals from several blogs and a lengthy conversation from hundreds of women. So I figured we would continue things here, to see what your take on this is.

I genuinely have mixed feelings on the new sexual revolution where it’s okay to put the body first and feelings second. The story above is something I wrote about a teenage sexual relationship that I had with an ex-boyfriend whom I desperately wanted to take me back. Knowing that I was giving up my body in hopes of getting someone else’s heart should make the scenario pretty clear to you so don’t feel bad for me because real talk I was on a big time dummy ride.

To anyone whom has ever read my book LAID, my feelings on no-strings-attached sex should not be a mystery to anyone. Most famously I described hooking up as the microwave burrito of sex – a quick fix to your hunger that often seems like a decent idea at the time but later has you questioning if you were really that damn hungry. But today I’ll avoid punchy one-liners to try to really get into the meat of this topic.

I think that for majority of people, casual sex without commitment is a bad idea BUT for the minority it can potentially deliver exactly what it promises: a quick fix with no mess. So how do you know if you are in the minority? Well dang, that’s the smartest question you’ve asked all day

If you go to France and you speak French, you’re experience is going to be that much richer. Sex is a planet and every kind of sexual experience is its own country. If you’re in to hookingup then you should know how to speak the language? Wanna learn some words right now?

No move it here
Circular please, like this
Stop, that hurts
Do you see any pedals on me? Slow down I’m not a damn bike
Pull here … push there … kiss this … don’t touch that … now let me hear you SAY MY NAME!!!

LOL you get the point I hope. If you’re sleeping with someone who does not know you super well, then unless you spell it out in Times Bold font, they’re not gonna know what works for you (even if you’re sending smoke signals with your signature I’m not happy look). Secondly, if you’re sexually active with someone who is not emotionally invested in you what makes you think they’re going to give two flying hoots what you want unless you’re vocal about it?

Casual sex almost has to be more honest than sex with a committed lover because you’re not supposed to be worrying about anyone else’s feelings other than your own.

Which brings me to my next point, if you go to a Latin club and you know how to chop it up the dancefloor with your salsa skills like nobody’s business, you’re gonna have more fun. Do your research folks. There is not much room for trial and error in the casual sex realm, so if you don’t know what you like going in I wouldn’t bank on being a guru on you’re way out.

See what I mean, it’s complicated even when it’s not supposed to be complicated. A hookup can be a positive experience when both people know exactly what they want and they know exactly how to explain their wants to one another. Because of the way the male body is manufactured I would say that a large percentage of guys are able to have a successful casual encounter simply because it seems pretty simple for them to “get theirs” (I don’t have a penis so don’t quote me on that). This is why, to my belief, casual sex should have a more extensive decision-making process if you are a woman.

Universally, sex has no guarantees but at the very least it is supposed to provide physical pleasure. This should be your primary motivation for no-strings sex. If you’re hoping for anything else then let me break something down for you… nowhere on your body does it say INSERT SOMETHING HERE FOR: love, acceptance, attention, popularity, cool points, cuddles, kisses or kicks. So if you’re engaging in casual sex to achieve the former then I’d say it’s okay as long as you proceed with caution. If you’re doing it in hopes of anything listed in the ladder STOP, DROP AND FLEE THE SCENE BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE.

That’s my word on hooking up. Now tell me:

Do you think sex should ever be regarded as a big deal: why/ why not?

What do you think the pros and cons of  casual sex are

Is a positive sexual relationship the same thing as a positive hookup?

Shannon – excited to chat with Rachel – Boodram

When people read Laid: Young People’s Experiences with Sex in an Easy-Access Culture, author Shannon Boodram hopes they will learn rather than judge.

One thing I learned was that the difference between a positive and negative hookup experience lies in the same things that make for a healthy relationship. It may be hard to believe that a positive hookup and a healthy relationship would have much in common, but they do.

Two stories from the book illustrate the point. In “The Lido Deck,” by Laurence Anthony, a guy meets a hot girl on a cruise ship. He describes his sexual experience: “Our lips met over and over again… We looked at each other and once I pushed inside, we didn’t stop until every position was explored … It was the cuddling, the spooning, and the honesty that came with it. It all felt natural and oddly comfortable.

In Shannon Boodram’s own story, “Lane 2,” a girl meets a hot guy away competing at a track meet in Hungary. She describes her sexual experience: “I could feel his body stiffening inside mine, and I held tighter, not prepared to let him go just yet. …All of a sudden he yanked free of my grasp and rushed out of my body…‘I think I got out in time’. ‘No! I don’t think you did!’ ‘Sorry’. Now what? Alex glanced at his Timex. ‘It’s almost one. The bus will be leaving soon, and the coaches are going to get angry. . .’”

A hookup is a way to get your physical needs met—to desire and to be noticed with no strings, no commitment. You can hook up once or many times with the same person. And you can get any sex you desire, from kissing to intercourse. Of course, a hookup means different things to different people depending on what they’re shopping for. Laurence was shopping for “we’re not going to be together forever” sex, caring, pleasure, and spooning. Shannon wasn’t sure—maybe love, maybe a long distance relationship, maybe sex?

Needs are beautiful things, a deep part of ourselves. We all have the same needs but different wants. A want is the way we feel a need getting met. What wants do you notice first in a guy—hair, eyes, smile, height, body? What turns your head? Shannon noticed Alex was “mocha skinned, probably half black and half white, with a clean face and slanted eyes.” Laurence noticed Felicia was elegant—a combination of beauty and simplicity.

The need to notice influenced both of their choice to have sex. Chemistry! When chemistry happens we grow happy and, like magic, feel as if our needs are being met. But other than attraction, what criteria—met needs—do you shop for when deciding to have sex?

Not knowing what needs we’re responsible to meet for ourselves and others, and what to expect in return, makes it hard to make good choices. Shannon didn’t know what to expect from her hookup, or how to meet her own physical needs while respecting herself. Her story shows that it’s a good idea to know what your sexual wants are before you meet your desire need with a guy. What sexual acts do you desire—kissing, touching, hugging, oral sex, intercourse? And what are you ready for? Part of the answer lies in what makes you feel good. And part of the answer lies in “knowing what’s good for you,” how you’ll feel after the sex. Shannon wasn’t sure. During her hookup, Shannon says, “Things were moving too fast, and I was not sure how to stop it, or if I wanted to stop it.” After hooking up with Alex, she felt a physical letdown and emotional confusion.

How can we make good choices when we don’t know what our needs are, or recognize what it feels like to get them met? During sex, Shannon says: “I liked being so close to him in this way. It made me feel important, like I was the only one who could make his body roll this way.” To really get your need to feel important met, a guy has to include your feelings and needs in his choices. Alex didn’t. After “pulling out late” he left her to deal with any consequences, eager to avoid his own: his coach finding out.

Laurence, in contrast, says, “We chatted for hours about school, life, and whose country was better…It was perhaps the most honest and candid I had been with anyone—stranger or not.” He was getting some of his needs met—to notice Felicia, desire her, become familiar with her, listen to her, understand her, be interested in her, and value her (being able to tell her what he thinks and feels). And she got those same needs met in return.

Was Laurence really familiar with Felicia? To really be familiar with someone, you must know what their best and worst personality traits are. If we asked Laurence to describe Felicia, he’d say “elegant, drop-dead gorgeous, sincere, good listener, sharp sense of humor, comfortable in her own skin, and confident.” (If we asked Shannon to describe Alex, she’d list what she noticed: his physical qualities.) Sure, Laurence doesn’t know Felicia’s negative traits. But during her hookup with Alex, Shannon would—“selfish.”

What Laurence and Shannon experienced is directly related to what needs they got met before the hookup; their experience is also related to the need for mutual respect. You can tell if a person respects you by how they get their needs met from you. Do they ask for what they want and then leave it up to you? Do they use character—saying what they mean, doing what they say, knowing right from wrong—to get what they want?

Laurence got his needs met from Felicia while respecting her. Earlier in the week, when they were making out, Felicia said, “Stop…We don’t know each other.” She knows and respects herself. How did Laurence handle his disappointment? “I could think of no greater setting or stage for us to have had sex with one another, but instead of telling her that, I said okay.” They started talking. And Laurence found her interesting without the sex.

Shannon gets her physical needs met from Alex, but without respecting herself or him. Ditto for him. One way to respect ourselves is to meet our own needs—such as to keep ourselves safe from harm. Shannon lacked character because she compromised her sense of right and wrong, exposing herself to the negative consequences of sex—infection, pregnancy, possibly even death (AIDS). (I’m just saying, not judging.)

We all need a bar—standards—for which needs we deserve to get met in any type of hookup or relationship, and for what types of behavior we’ll accept from a guy or girl.

What do we deserve in a hookup? If you’re shopping for sex with no strings, you’re shopping for fulfillment of a sexual want. You deserve to feel good and to have safe sex. And so does your partner. Each of you has to be able to happily accept the way the other treats you.

Needs are beautiful things. Each need has to be met in three ways to feel “just right” and “good.” If your need to desire is truly met you’ll know what your sexual wants are —what makes you feel good; you desire him (want to make him feel good) and he desires you (wants to make you feel good) in turn. And you each deserve to be treated with respect. If your desire need isn’t met in these three ways, your hookup won’t be a positive sexual experience.

Heart-saving shortcut: Unmet needs are good reasons to exit. How to tell? Feelings bubble up. Say you’re in the middle of a hookup and where it’s going, or what he wants, doesn’t feel good. What to do? Stop and exit. Yes, even if you’re so far along that you’re naked. Such self-respect choices build self-worth.

Some girls set their bar too low. A girl might hook up with a guy because she uses sex to get popularity or she wants to get closer to the boyfriend stage, or she believes she loves him. If you’re shopping for more than release (to be pleasured and give pleasure)—like caring or spooning—reset your bar. Needs help us make deliberate choices. If you’re interested in a person, find out more about them—like their traits and how they get their needs met from you—making sure you really know and like them before getting seriously involved.

Heart-saving shortcut: When a guy is shopping for release, he only needs to notice one little thing about you to feel desire. For Alex, it was Shannon’s beautiful eyes.

Here’s the thing: When we get a need met, we feel happy, no longer wanting. Each choice we make creates a consequence—a met need (good feeling) or unmet need (mixed, confused or hurt feeling). Let’s say you’re hooking up with a guy. Sure, to notice and be noticed, to desire and be desired feel wonderful before (and during) the hookup. But what kind of feelings bubble up after? If you know and like yourself, you’re growing happy—building yourself a beautiful life—not expecting a phone call, not secretly hoping for more, chances are you’re a player. But if you’re waiting for the guy to make your relationship official, sleeping with him is probably leaving you feeling hurt, empty and confused—or worse, feeling nothing at all.

Needs are beautiful things. I know guys can think we’re “needy.” But self-respect is knowing what our needs and wants are, learning to recognize what it feels like to get them met, and using that self-knowledge to make deliberate choices.

Knowing what to expect from a hookup would have helped Shannon get a more positive experience. Knowing what she was shopping for, and how to shop for it, would have helped her. Inform your choices using what needs you deserve to have met, and how you deserve to be treated. Every woman has her own beliefs about when to have sex. The choice is very personal, and partly dependent on your beliefs. A big part of self-respect is making deliberate choices—choices that include your own feelings, needs and beliefs. And that help you decide not only when to have sex, but—as important—who to have it with.

We all have different rules for how we want to be treated and what needs we deserve to get met. The common factor: in a healthy relationship, our most important needs are met, there are heart-to-heart conversations, and the respect—self-respect, respect for others, and the expectation to be treated respectfully—is mutual.

These stories show that by using healthy relationship criteria, you can close the gap between negative sexual experiences and the positive encounters you’re shopping for and deserve to experience. Healthy relationship criteria help you make better choices—whether it’s choosing a guy to hook up with, choosing a boyfriend, or choosing whether to stay in a relationship or exit.

Best,

Kaycee Jane

Kaycee Jane is the author of Frog or Prince? The Smart Girl’s Guide to Boyfriends (Amazon). Jane blogs at frogorprince.ca. When life seems overwhelming, try TeenCentral.net and get anonymous help from a professional.

Heart-saving shortcut by Dr. Julius Licata of TeenCentral: Thought of abstinence as a choice? When you choose the right time to have sex, you’ll experience being in control; having control builds self-esteem. There’s a right time to have sex. Not knowing the person makes sex meaningless and empty. What does the guy like? Who is he? Why are you and he connecting? Abstinence keeps you safe—no fear of pregnancy or STD’s. And abstinence gives you time to build real love and understanding, so when sex does happen, it’s not just mutual masturbation but the sincere act of caring and affection.

An apple a day, sex a day...same thing right?

Did you know that 400 million people around the world will end up having sex today? Did you know that 30 percent of women over the age of 80 still engage in sexual activities? Why? Because it’s beneficial to your health! If having and enjoying sex regularly can almost double human life expectancy, then we should all make it practice, right? Having regular orgasms has been scientifically proven to improve one’s overall mental and physical well being. But some of the scientific research that has been conducted and reviewed is phenomenal! Who knew sex fights some cancers or that semen prevents tooth decay? Here’s to changing our perspective on why we really have sex! Take a look at why sex is good for your health!

Strengthens Immunity - regular sexual activity has been scientifically proven to boost your immune system. Researchers at Wilkes University have concluded that having sex just twice a week increases your antibody levels, which helps fight the common cold and infections.

Healthy Sex Life = Healthy Heart - no doubt sex is a stress reliever, but true story: men and women who engage in sexual activity on a consistent basis, as opposed to those who abstain, have healthier stress levels and lower blood pressure. Regular sex has been proven to improve circulation, combat heart disease and improve cholesterol levels.

Natural Analgesic - sex is a pain reliever? Yes, it is! Did you know that just before an orgasm the human body releases up to six times its normal amount of a hormone called oxytocin? As a result of the hormonal rush, the body releases endorphins that soothe headaches, muscle aches and everyday aches and pains.

Fights Prostate Cancer - in order to climax, a man’s prostate is responsible for producing the ejaculatory fluids. Some urologists argue the notion that men who don’t ejaculate often are more likely to develop cancer of the prostate. A study conducted by the British Journal of Urology International believes that men in their 20’s can potentially lessen their chances of developing cancer by a third, provided they ejaculate at least five times a week.

Fun Fitness - you can burn up to 200 calories having sex for 30 minutes. So let’s do some quick math: 30 minutes of sex, 5 times a week, 200 calories. That’s 1000 calories burned in two and a half hours. But if you’re the type to go a little longer … okay let’s do some more math: 45 minutes, 6 times a week, 300 calories. That’s a total of 1,800 calories in four and a half hours. Not bad, right? But let’s not forget the muscle toning that comes along with those positions that keep you working.

Improves Pelvic Floor Muscles - women have long heard of Kegel exercises but lots are skeptic. The theory is by trying to stop the flow urine for three seconds it keeps vaginal and pelvic muscles tight and toned. Here’s the deal, if women did a few Kegel squeezes during sex and randomly through the day, not only will the pelvic floor become stronger, sex will be more pleasurable for her and him!

Organic Sleep Agent - okay, so men should not be the only ones falling asleep after a good seductive session, women should too! According to many sexual research studies, the oxytocin the body releases during the climax is known to induce deep sleep! Good sleep and body rest is absolutely vital for good health! Orgasms promote complete relaxation! So fellas, if your lady is wide awake while you’re snoozing, she might have faked it! And there it is! Moral of the story: Sex does a body good so have more of it!

Carissa-oh yea use a condom-Williams.

Open your eyes.

Where the hell are you? Why are you wearing someone else’s clothes?

You take a look around as your eyes try to focus as the sandman returns from whence he came and you look over at the person you just slept with and think “dear god”. Plan B must go into action.

You quietly get dressed and try your hardest to remember everything you came in with. You look around this foreign situation and you pray that you have your cell phone with you.

Fumbling around your now sticky sweaty smelly jeans, you realize that you were smart enough to keep cash on you but your phone only has one bar left. Fuck.

Time to phone a friend.

You phone the friend and in a hurried frenzy, whisper to him, in an angry but somewhat amused voice, that you hitched a ride home with this guy and just woke up. Can you come get me?

He laughs and asks where you are.

Shit.

You grab your stuff and walk out of the room as fast and quietly as possible and you lightly shut the door. Please no one be up. Please no one see me. Please let me make it to the door. please please… i didn’t want to do the walk of shame today.

Thankfully, the world still slumbers and the path is clear for you to RUN.

You make a mad dash outside and start talking in your outdoor voice: “I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEAD WHERE I AM!!!!!! JUST COME GET ME!!!!”

It’s hard to come get you if no one knows where you are.

So you walk down the street and find a gas station and finally some street signs.

You call your friend back and ask them to come get you from this place.

You grab a bottle of water and some motrin, this hangover is killing you. You ask the attendant where the bathroom is and they point towards the back without acknowledging you. Good you think. I can smell the sex lingering on me.

You quickly walk back there paranoid that everyone else in the store can smell you as well. Your positive of it, so you slow your walk so as not to stir up a breeze that will carry your fragrance around the store. Then everyone will know.

You make it to the bathroom, turn on the light and peer inside.
The strip clubs bathroom looks more sanitary than this one.
Fuck it.
You have to pee.

So you close the door and do the pee dance as you put perfectly folded toilet paper on the toilet seat. You drop your pants and finally release the pressure that has been building inside since god knows when.
Your liver was punishing you.

As your wipe you realize that semen is slowly oozing out from between your legs.

Oh. Dear. God.

You quickly wipe then wash down there with a make shift washcloth from the highly probable crab infested bathroom toilet paper and hope that there is still time.

You flush the toilet.

Check the mirror.

Hello Coyote.

You dabble some water in your hair and run your fingers through it real fast. You didn’t carry your brush with you. It’ll have to do.

After you fix yourself and you are sure there is no one waiting, you slowly open the door and pop your head out and look in both directions.

Clear.

You run out of the bathroom and thank the attendant as you rush outside.

You phone your friend again.

“Where are you??”

“Coming down the street now.”

Thank god.

You see his car coming down the way as you walk briskly towards him. He pulls over and unlocks the door. You hop inside, smile, and say. “I need to go to CVS.”

Sure he says and starts driving towards one.

2 miles down the road and all you can think is, please no, please no, please no.

You finally pull into the CVS parking lot and you say “i’ll be right back.”

You run inside and make a mad dash for the pharmacy.

You get to the counter slightly out of breath and wait impatiently for the tech to acknowledge you. Don’t they know this is a serious matter??

How may I help you?

I need a plan b.

The tech looks at you awkwardly and says one minute.

He returns with the box in hand. He scans it.

“That’ll be 40 dollars.”

“40 dollars?”, you mumble as you reach into your jeans for the cash.

You have 30.

Fuck.

“One minute i left my wallet in the car”, you tell him.

The tech rolls his eyes and puts the box down and you turn around and run back outside.

You reach your friends car and knock on the window.

“What’s up?” He asks.

“Dude. Let me borrow 10 bucks, i left my wallet in the roomie’s car.”

“I only have my card. You want me to get it?”

Fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.

“Yeah i guess,” you reply, because it was this or the other path…

So he gets out of the car and comes with you.

So what do you need? He asks you.

Plan B you respond as you walk in front of him back to the pharmacy counter.

A plan b for what? he asks as his voice trails behind.

You return to the counter where the annoyed tech awaits.

Sorry about that you say. My boyfriend is going to pay for it.

You turn around and your friend just smiles at you. He knows something is up.

That’ll be 40 bucks.

He swipes the card and signs for it.

Here you go the tech says.

“Good luck.”

Thanks you say and you walk away and make a dash back to the car.

He unlocks the door and you both strap in. He turns to you and watches as you rip open the box and stare at the two pills. You grab the bottle of water you just bought from the gas station and pop the first pill. A sense of relief goes through you.

“What’s that for?” He asks with a smirk on his face.

You gulp down the water as the questions hangs in the air.

After a minute and the bottle of water gone, you turn to him as say: “For unwanted pregnancies.”

He says, “Oh” and starts the car.

“That good of a night huh?” he asks as he puts the car into reverse.

You start laughing, nervously.

He puts the car in drive and pulls out of the parking lot. He hits a red light and turns to you:

“So what are we doing next weekend?”

-Carla

Yes, that's a sparkly vaj.

by Kathryn

Thanks to Jennifer Love Hewitt and her announcement concerning her sparkly lady-bits, Vajazzling is becoming a hot new trend in cosmetic maintenance.  And yes, “Vajazzling” is exactly what it sounds like: BeDazzling your vagina.

There’s an ongoing debate about the amount of babescaping your should perform on your hoo-ha, both in the single and married communities.  The bottom line is that you should do what’s most comfortable for you, but why is this even a debate?  Why are women (and some men) so worried about the state of their pubic hair that there’s even a discussion in the first place?

The fact that there’s a debate makes young women more aware of their vaginas and more self-conscious about the state of them.  In addition to worrying about weight, skin tone, clothing, accessories, and all those other things they worry about when trying to attract a mate, they now have to ask themselves, “Will he like my lady business, or is it too hairy for him?”  With Vajazzling, I have to ask if self-maintenance questions will soon include something along the lines of, “Should I get some decoration down there?”

Seeing this makes me sad, because I think that expectations for female beauty have become more masochistic and impossible over the years.  Sure, it’s easy to remain a perky, tanned, sparkly size 00 if you have loads of money and nothing but time on your hands, but real women are different.  High school-aged girls are out there finishing a basic education and participating in sports or developing an artistic talent.  College-aged women are embarking on a journey of higher education and laying the foundation for their future kick-ass careers.  Career women are working their tails off to rise through the ranks.  Mothers are chasing their children and molding a new generation.  We don’t have TIME to yank the hair off the little lady and stick a bunch of crystals on it.  Hell, I barely have time to shower some days!

I did ask my husband about this, and his response to, “How would you feel if I slapped some crystals on my vajayjay?” was “Why the hell would you do that?”  His opinion is that it actually detracts from the natural beauty of a woman and frankly, presentation isn’t that important when engaging in sexual relations.  I knew I married him for a reason.

So now I have to ask a few questions: do you think that this is a passing trend, or is it something that has the possibility to become de rigueur in babescaping?  Do you think that this is a form of suppressing women, or do you see this as a fun form of cosmetic enhancement?  Weigh in, LAID Nation, weigh in.

- Kathryn K

I read a really disturbing report a few days ago concerning a Tampa, Florida, doctor and one of his patients.  Here’s a small excerpt:

Dr. Daniel R. Lerom is listed in documents as having a long-standing sexual relationship with his Lakeland patient, listed only as “HK” in a lawsuit filed with Hillsborough County Circuit Court.

Each time they two had sex, documents say, the doctor would bill her Blue Cross Blue Shield Insurance for their “sessions.”

Text messages show that the 49-year-old doctor told his patient, “My body felt great all over after last night. “

“I wish you were here in the shower with me to warm me up.”

“If I were there, I would rub you and kiss you all over.”

The doctor even referred to himself as her “Red Hot Lover,” or RHL for short.

According to the original article, no charges have been filed with the State Attorney’s office, despite this type of behavior being a felony.  Ken Kramer, a researcher for the Citizens Commission on Human Rights, goes as far to call this psychiatric rape.

I didn’t know what psychiatric rape was, let alone that it existed.  To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure.  Mental Health Abuse gives a vague definition, basically stating that it’s a type of sexual assault that results from the empowered person, typically a mental health professional, taking advantage of the weakened mental state of the victim, typically a patient of the rapist.

I’m at a loss on this one, LAID Nation.  I think I’ve said my piece on rape here–it seems to be my go-to topic right now–but I’m completely flabbergasted by this issue.  There are just so many things wrong with this situation that I don’t know where to start, so I’m going to leave it up to you.

1.  Have you ever heard of psychiatric rape?

2.  Is this guy a giant douche for taking advantage of his patient like that (let’s not ever mention his self-moniker)?

3.  How about the medical fraud piece (charging her insurance every time they had sexual contact)?

4.  Do you think charges should be filed with the State Attorney General’s office?  Why or why not?

-Kathryn K

]]> http://laidthebook.com/blog/2010/02/psychiatric-rape/feed/ 4 http://laidthebook.com/blog/2010/02/the-skinny-on-sexual-responsibility/ http://laidthebook.com/blog/2010/02/the-skinny-on-sexual-responsibility/#comments Thu, 18 Feb 2010 05:02:28 +0000 Cristina Marrero http://laidthebook.com/blog/?p=1579

When I was 15 I had an experience with an ex girlfriend that is non to pleasant. I was young, naïve, and… I was innocent. She took that innocence from me. I mention it every now and again, but I don’t really talk about it in detail. It was date rape. There were no drugs, but she made me feel like there was no other option. As an adult I look back and think of everything I could have done to get out of that situation. I criticize myself and sometimes blame myself, but then I remember… I was a kid. I was 15 with no experience and a fear of this person who liked me not liking me anymore… hating me even. She was a manipulator and she manipulated my emotions in a way that made me feel as if I had no way out.

Why am I telling you this? Because this explains a lot about who I am. How I treat women, how I view myself, and how I treat others. It’s my dirty little secret, and I think I need to talk about it in an open forum.

See, I call myself a gentledyke because I am not a man, but I act like a gentleman… thus the term “gentledyke.” I treat women with respect. I look into their eyes, and I look at them. I try my best to keep my hands to myself, and I do my best to never cross a line. Some people think me a prude because of this, but there are reasons behind why I am like this. I never want to make a woman feel how I felt in that moment, or how I felt when I was with my first girlfriend.

She was verbally abusive, manipulative, self-centered, whore and an emotional wreck. Honestly, I don’t even know why I was ever with the bitch whore in the first place. She treated me like shit and put me in situations I did not want to be in. It was like she had this sick spell over me, and I desperately wanted out, but could not find the door.

She was the one who made me feel like a whale, and since then I have had issues with body image. She was the one who told me I was not good enough and should not try…crushing my fragile self-esteem… she was my first, and she was a nightmare from hell. Since my first girlfriend it has been a battle to find my inner strength and to believe in the one person who deserves my faith most… myself.

I am a gentledyke and a respectful girlfriend because I was shown exactly what not to be. This pours over into my friendships. I am a nurturer because I don’t want people to feel bad. I am sincere because I never want to make someone feel how she made me feel. She crushed me, and ever since that bitch I have fought to overcome the insecurities she placed in me because she could not fix them in herself.

This has been something that has just been quiet too long. I was 15. I was young. I was, by definition, innocent…if this happened now, it would be a different story, but back then… I had just found out what a blow job was and how lesbians had sex months before. It was an overwhelming drowning feeling, and if you are feeling that in a relationship… I hope this makes you realize you should get out. Your mental health comes first.

I promised myself I would never go back to someone like that. I promised myself I would never treat anyone like that. I would never make someone feel like I did, or put a woman in the situation I was in. I promised myself I would not let her keep me down, and so far I have done well, but every now and again I slip. I hold back, doubt myself, or sell myself short. I hope this makes you understand me a bit better, and I hope that this makes someone in a similar situation see that they should just get out and move on.

Now I am with someone I know would never put me in such a situation and who cares about me for who I am. She does not want me in her life because she needs a punching bag, and she does not treat me like shit. I don’t know what will come of it, but I know it’s not like that whore bitch I dated back when I was 15. These posters around campus are cheesy but true… what really matters is that when someone says “stop” you don’t keep going or try to change the statement… you just do it. You stop.

These experiences have a very negative and intense effect on a person’s lives, but they can also be a learning experience of what not to be, and how not to treat people. I learned, and I hope you learn too.

-Cristina Marrero

I’m sick to death of looking at this guy’s face.

Quick recap: Adam Giambrone is the chairman of the Toronto Transit Commission (Toronto’s public transit system), and until yesterday he was running to be the next mayor of Toronto.  Following accusations that he had an affair, Giambrone apologized in a Toronto Star article earlier this week for having an “inappropriate relationship with a young woman” (he slept with a twenty-year old college student) while he was in a long-term relationship.  He later admitted to having several affairs with various women, and yesterday he dropped his campaign for mayor.  One candidate has now said that he thinks Giambrone should step down from the TTC as well, since he is clearly distracted.  (The National Post has a more in-depth recap)

Quite frankly, I doubt Giambrone would have been voted mayor anyway, since the TTC’s getting such bad press these days, but that’s not the issue here.  I want to know when someone’s sex life started having such a huge influence on their professional life.

After all, it’s not like politicians – or people in general – are having more affairs than they used to.  Remember when John F. Kennedy was president in the early sixties (okay, most of us on this site don’t remember living through that, but we remember reading about it)?  Regardless of whether or not you thought he was a good president, JFK was a great big slut.  He’s known to have had a number of affairs with women including Judith Campbell, who wrote a book about it.  It’s widely believed that Marilyn Monroe was a long-term mistress to JFK while he was president, and Monroe herself made it pretty damn suspicious with that little happy birthday routine.

But did JFK get impeached?  Did he even get a slap on the wrist?  No, people loved him.  He was the first “sexy” president (maybe the only, until Obama) and women were nuts about him.  My dad describes the day JFK died as the day the world basically lost faith in America’s political establishment.

What about other presidents? Jefferson had an affair with one of his slaves, through which he fathered five children.  Roosevelt had an affair with his wife’s social secretary.  Eisenhower slept with his personal driver, a former British model, while he was in London and his wife was back home.  LBJ did a good job of keeping his affairs discreet, until he got someone pregnant.

Did any of these presidents get in any kind of major political trouble because of their affairs?  Negative.

Enter Bill Clinton.  When he had extramarital affairs, the media caught wind of it and made it a big huge deal and Clinton ended up getting impeached.  That’s sort of become the norm now, in terms of how the media handles cheating politicians.  Everything’s a “scandal.”

My point (well, one of them) is that politicians are not necessarily haven’t more affairs than they used to.  What’s changed is that the media now focuses on the affairs that do happen and stirs them up into big public controversies.  It seems to be one facet of the media’s focus on gossip-news over the past two decades.  Michelle Obama can’t pick her nose without it showing up in print.

The other thing I really want to address is whether or not politicians’ sex lives should have any bearing on their political success and reputation.  I got into a big discussion about it with a coworker today, and his sentiments were that cheating is indicative of a selfish and dishonest person, and that’s not the kind of person the public wants in office.  Personally, I don’t think a person’s sex life has much bearing on whether they can make and implement good political policies.

As usual, I turn this over to you guys:

1. When you hear about a new political sex scandal (one that doesn’t involve something really messed up, like pedophilia), do you think, “Who cares?” or “Wow, I’m totally not voting for that person!”? Why?
2. To what degree do you think news reporting on political “sex scandals” is important?  To what degree is it gossip?

Shayla Duval

“Baby we’re in love, so it’s only right that we make love” said my 17 year old “boyfriend”.

“But why should we have to ‘make love’ if we already have it?” said the 14 year old me.

This was my first “sex talk”.

He kissed me with the deceit of a serpent’s tongue. Entranced by “I love you’s” and misguided by his words, I surrendered my cherished fruit. Need I say more?

Can someone please explain to me the whole birds and the bees thing? I don't get it.

It’s safe to say that I grew up before my time. Twelve years old, home alone, no fear of the dark, or burglars, I was the woman of the house—at least until my mom came home. I guess there was little time for talking about sex between her three jobs, and pharmacy school studies.

No one ever saw it as important to educate me about sex, so I took it upon myself to figure it out on my own the hard way; by experience. I thought I knew enough about love, and sex, to delve into those two realms, but boy was I wrong.There were still many questions looming over my head that I had no choice but to answer myself. By age 14 I considered myself a grown woman trapped in a little girl’s body.

The words ‘I love you’ danced in front of my eyes, distracting me from the fact that I was being conned out of my virginity.

If I had the power today, I would hold that little girl’s hand and guide her so that she wouldn’t allow herself to be blinded by the lies of others.

If I could, in short this is what I would say to my younger self:

LOVE

Love is the apex of emotion. It’s like climbing a mountain. You both have to prepare yourselves for the journey. It may be tiring, and sometimes you think you’ve made it to the top, but you’re only at the crest, and oblivious to the other half of the journey to come. Some are lucky enough to make it to the top, and once you do, it’s the most beautiful, captivating sight ever seen. Some stay on top forever, some, climb down, and others slip and free fall, landing heart first with a scar for life. Know in advance what you sign up for.

SEX

Have sex only because you want to do it. It’s your body, so consider it your home. Sometimes a salesman will knock on your door, manipulating you with his words, trying to sell you something you don’t even need. Don’t let these people inside. The only people you should trust to let in your home are the ones who are cool with just kickin’ it on the porch with you. Never let anyone just use your home as temporary shelter from the rain, just passing through when it’s wet, and leaving you when it’s dry. Absolutely no strangers allowed. Keep your house clean.

Every child deserves the truth. As hard as it may be to talk to your kid about sex, just suck it up and educate them in an honest fashion. Buy them a copy of LAID, and guide them through it if necessary. Make time to talk about sex, no later than age 12. There’s no way to shelter a child from all things sexual, so, it’s best that a child gets the sex talk from a parent as opposed to getting it from a “boyfriend”.

How did you get the sex talk? How are you going to give your kids the talk/ how did you give them the talk?

-Carissa.