photography by Shannon T. Boodram

Come alive baby, after all you’re wearing red. Stop, love, bleed, strive but don’t just sit there swimming in it. Red screams for passion and begs for attention. I know it’s your favourite colour and all but you have no clue what to do with it, do you? You should know that I’m not to fond of the color, yet funny enough it’s the shade that my bare legs and bloated fingers have adopted in this moment with you. You. I sit here and stare into your empty eyes, seeing anything but red. I see shades of grey and hues of muddy brown circling two jet black balls – your damn dead eyes make me sick. I wanna rip that shirt off and burn it – you don’t deserve red just like you don’t deserve me.

As I sit here on the floor (because you wanted to stretch out on the couch and it’s “too hot” to lay together after we just “laid” each other) staring up at you as you zip, button and buckle I wonder if this is anything what an 18-year-old’s life should be like. I ask myself the same question that I uttered after the first month of knowing you “why do I associate with this guy?” Two years later and that question rotates in my brain like an electronic advertisement without rest.

Though things haven’t changed much for you, there has been a difference in me (that disgusting L feeling). Yet, after all of this time you don’t have a response to the only phrase that is meant to be a question. You can still stare blankly into my face despite being just inside my body and have nothing to say in return to my three worded question. I wonder sometimes if it hurts you deep down inside that you are unable to love me. I wonder if when our heated bodies slide along each other’s and our mouths consume one another if you have ever been burning to just erupt and say, “Damn Shannon I love you!”

I wonder if you have ever lost yourself in me; even if just for one moment. Have you ever secretly surrendered your pride, inhibitions, and common sense to my love? Do your legs quiver when our bodies melt into one? Does your stomach do the tango every time we kiss? Or do you only feel a contraction in your lower contraption? Does your only satisfaction come from an orgasmic reaction? How can sex with you do nothing for my body yet rock my soul? And how is it that sex with me rocks your body without stirring your heart?

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Written by Kaycee Jane author of Frog or Prince? the smart girl’s guide to boyfriends

When people read Laid: Young People’s Experiences with Sex in an Easy-Access Culture, author Shannon Boodram hopes they will learn rather than judge.

One thing I learned was that the difference between a positive and negative hookup experience lies in the same things that make for a healthy relationship. It may be hard to believe that a positive hookup and a healthy relationship would have much in common, but they do.

Two stories from the book illustrate the point. In “The Lido Deck,” by Laurence Anthony, a guy meets a hot girl on a cruise ship. He describes his sexual experience: “Our lips met over and over again… We looked at each other and once I pushed inside, we didn’t stop until every position was explored … It was the cuddling, the spooning, and the honesty that came with it. It all felt natural and oddly comfortable.

In Shannon Boodram’s own story, “Lane 2,” a girl meets a hot guy away competing at a track meet in Hungary. She describes her sexual experience: “I could feel his body stiffening inside mine, and I held tighter, not prepared to let him go just yet. …All of a sudden he yanked free of my grasp and rushed out of my body…‘I think I got out in time’. ‘No! I don’t think you did!’ ‘Sorry’. Now what? Alex glanced at his Timex. ‘It’s almost one. The bus will be leaving soon, and the coaches are going to get angry. . .’”

A hookup is a way to get your physical needs met—to desire and to be noticed with no strings, no commitment. You can hook up once or many times with the same person. And you can get any sex you desire, from kissing to intercourse. Of course, a hookup means different things to different people depending on what they’re shopping for. Laurence was shopping for “we’re not going to be together forever” sex, caring, pleasure, and spooning. Shannon wasn’t sure—maybe love, maybe a long distance relationship, maybe sex? Read more »

By: Carissa
I found an interesting article over at Bossip.com listing the reasons sex is good for your health, so I thought I’d share.

An apple a day, sex a day...same thing right?

Did you know that 400 million people around the world will end up having sex today? Did you know that 30 percent of women over the age of 80 still engage in sexual activities? Why? Because it’s beneficial to your health! If having and enjoying sex regularly can almost double human life expectancy, then we should all make it practice, right? Having regular orgasms has been scientifically proven to improve one’s overall mental and physical well being. But some of the scientific research that has been conducted and reviewed is phenomenal! Who knew sex fights some cancers or that semen prevents tooth decay? Here’s to changing our perspective on why we really have sex! Take a look at why sex is good for your health!

Strengthens Immunity - regular sexual activity has been scientifically proven to boost your immune system. Researchers at Wilkes University have concluded that having sex just twice a week increases your antibody levels, which helps fight the common cold and infections. Read more »

Yes, that's a sparkly vaj.

by Kathryn

Thanks to Jennifer Love Hewitt and her announcement concerning her sparkly lady-bits, Vajazzling is becoming a hot new trend in cosmetic maintenance.  And yes, “Vajazzling” is exactly what it sounds like: BeDazzling your vagina.

There’s an ongoing debate about the amount of babescaping your should perform on your hoo-ha, both in the single and married communities.  The bottom line is that you should do what’s most comfortable for you, but why is this even a debate?  Why are women (and some men) so worried about the state of their pubic hair that there’s even a discussion in the first place?

The fact that there’s a debate makes young women more aware of their vaginas and more self-conscious about the state of them.  In addition to worrying about weight, skin tone, clothing, accessories, and all those other things they worry about when trying to attract a mate, they now have to ask themselves, “Will he like my lady business, or is it too hairy for him?”  With Vajazzling, I have to ask if self-maintenance questions will soon include something along the lines of, “Should I get some decoration down there?”

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When I was 15 I had an experience with an ex girlfriend that is non to pleasant. I was young, naïve, and… I was innocent. She took that innocence from me. I mention it every now and again, but I don’t really talk about it in detail. It was date rape. There were no drugs, but she made me feel like there was no other option. As an adult I look back and think of everything I could have done to get out of that situation. I criticize myself and sometimes blame myself, but then I remember… I was a kid. I was 15 with no experience and a fear of this person who liked me not liking me anymore… hating me even. She was a manipulator and she manipulated my emotions in a way that made me feel as if I had no way out.

Why am I telling you this? Because this explains a lot about who I am. How I treat women, how I view myself, and how I treat others. It’s my dirty little secret, and I think I need to talk about it in an open forum.

See, I call myself a gentledyke because I am not a man, but I act like a gentleman… thus the term “gentledyke.” I treat women with respect. I look into their eyes, and I look at them. I try my best to keep my hands to myself, and I do my best to never cross a line. Some people think me a prude because of this, but there are reasons behind why I am like this. I never want to make a woman feel how I felt in that moment, or how I felt when I was with my first girlfriend.

She was verbally abusive, manipulative, self-centered, whore and an emotional wreck. Honestly, I don’t even know why I was ever with the bitch whore in the first place. She treated me like shit and put me in situations I did not want to be in. It was like she had this sick spell over me, and I desperately wanted out, but could not find the door.

She was the one who made me feel like a whale, and since then I have had issues with body image. She was the one who told me I was not good enough and should not try…crushing my fragile self-esteem… she was my first, and she was a nightmare from hell. Since my first girlfriend it has been a battle to find my inner strength and to believe in the one person who deserves my faith most… myself.

I am a gentledyke and a respectful girlfriend because I was shown exactly what not to be. This pours over into my friendships. I am a nurturer because I don’t want people to feel bad. I am sincere because I never want to make someone feel how she made me feel. She crushed me, and ever since that bitch I have fought to overcome the insecurities she placed in me because she could not fix them in herself.

This has been something that has just been quiet too long. I was 15. I was young. I was, by definition, innocent…if this happened now, it would be a different story, but back then… I had just found out what a blow job was and how lesbians had sex months before. It was an overwhelming drowning feeling, and if you are feeling that in a relationship… I hope this makes you realize you should get out. Your mental health comes first.

I promised myself I would never go back to someone like that. I promised myself I would never treat anyone like that. I would never make someone feel like I did, or put a woman in the situation I was in. I promised myself I would not let her keep me down, and so far I have done well, but every now and again I slip. I hold back, doubt myself, or sell myself short. I hope this makes you understand me a bit better, and I hope that this makes someone in a similar situation see that they should just get out and move on.

Now I am with someone I know would never put me in such a situation and who cares about me for who I am. She does not want me in her life because she needs a punching bag, and she does not treat me like shit. I don’t know what will come of it, but I know it’s not like that whore bitch I dated back when I was 15. These posters around campus are cheesy but true… what really matters is that when someone says “stop” you don’t keep going or try to change the statement… you just do it. You stop.

These experiences have a very negative and intense effect on a person’s lives, but they can also be a learning experience of what not to be, and how not to treat people. I learned, and I hope you learn too.

-Cristina Marrero

“Baby we’re in love, so it’s only right that we make love” said my 17 year old “boyfriend”.

“But why should we have to ‘make love’ if we already have it?” said the 14 year old me.

This was my first “sex talk”.

He kissed me with the deceit of a serpent’s tongue. Entranced by “I love you’s” and misguided by his words, I surrendered my cherished fruit. Need I say more?

Can someone please explain to me the whole birds and the bees thing? I don't get it.

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No drug ever got me as high
as being sixteen and having everyone
look at me.

It’s comforting
to have someone know you
and love you for who you are, inside,
but it’s painful to watch yourself become
too familiar, a song you used to worship
until it got so overplayed.

Some days I long to put aside
the cultivated convictions of my tasteful twenties,
paint my face in toxic colour,
waste time on my hair, vote
for consumerism with my dollars
and chase cheap thrills,
instant gratification.  Pretend
the world is still as simple
as it was in high school.

A teenage girl modeling her first “grown-up” outfit;
thank God we don’t live in the 1800s.

My sexuality and self of sense has evolved an enormous amount in the past decade, and I cherish that, but sometimes I miss how exciting and carefree things used to be.  I’ve been in a happy, long-term relationship for almost nine years now, but I’ve always struggled a little with the idea of committing my body and my sexuality to one person.  Sometimes I miss when it was just mine and I could do whatever I wanted with it.

What do you miss about your sexuality or life as it was in high school?  What do you appreciate about the way it’s evolved?

Shayla Duval

I’m not sure if you have ever heard of feministing.com BUT it’s one of the most popular sites on the net – dead serious check their credentials. Jessica Valenti is the founder and she also happens to be a fellow Seal Press author. She and I made contact after I made a certain stalker-fan video for her, then a few months later here we are with my biggest online interview to date!

And the stalker video that began it all…

So it begins with a dream. I would love to have the topic of “oversharing and sex ed” on The Tyra Show before it goes off of the air. It may be a long shot but it’s a good thing I packed my nine iron.

You can help by tweeting to Tyra @tyrabanks that you’d like to #getlaidontyra. Hopefully eventually she’ll ask what the hell that means then we’ll hit her with the pitch!

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Every new year, people make the typical resolutions, to eat less, exercise more, be able to fit into your high school jeans, and find your true love, because, what better time to rely on cupid for that potent arrow, then then new year. You figure that  if cupid would just get off his ass, and shoot the guy/girl that you been lusting over, he/she will fall in love you with you and you’ll run off together to buy a house, get a dog and start a family.

Simple right?

But what if the person you love, is shot by cupid and they do fall in love….. with someone else.

all this romantic mumbo jumbo seems to be washed away by a self hate because you know the reason this person is in love; everything you see is “store bought” as my friends like to say.

and it’s not even so much a self hate as it is loathing, because you know that you’ll never look like that.

Nor do I want to.

I have been working on loosing weight, the right way. No diet pills, watching what I eat, and exercising M-F, so that way when the weekend comes around, i can enjoy a 6-pack and not feel the slightest bit bad.

It’s the little things that make me smile.

But, when you prance yourself in front of everyone with a hinted vanity screaming “Look at me! Look at me!” I don’t want to look at you and I’m saddened by the realization that the reason cupid shot his arrow into the other person, is because they belong together.

Vanity meet shallow.

Shallow meet vanity.

Here’s a rowboat, I’m sure you can paddle your way into the depths of love’s ocean.

I’m not biter though. Just sad and  disappointed because the person i thought existed was really wearing a mask in front of me the whole time. If you can’t be yourself in front of your friends, you never will be. You simply float your way through life as  memory of a time that once was.

So my resolution this year, is to continue focusing on my own self improvement. There is nothing wrong with having life goals and making sure that you achieve them. I just wish cupid wasn’t so damn clever.

–Carla

There is a mention of LAID in today’s Toronto Star. It’s little but still lovely.

.

Sexting and Nude Photost A Concern Among Teens
by: Nicole Baute

Some are worried about the gender politics behind sexting, like Shannon Boodram, a local 24-year-old who recently published her first book, Laid. She says it’s usually young women who send sexts, not men – except, perhaps, as encouragement.

Last summer, a guy she was chatting with online wanted her to send him naked photos of herself, and tried to persuade her with some sexy photos of his own.

“I was like, `Never!’” Boodram says. “And I would get more rude with every response I got. He was so persistent.”

If you ask Boodram, sexting is a pornographic way for girls to give their power away.

“I think it’s a really stupid trend and it all (links) together with shag bracelets, which indicate how far you’re going to go with somebody, and with rainbow parties and those … sexual trends that are basically geared toward emulating a pornographic lifestyle,” Boodram says. “And they’re not realistic, they do not result in pleasure, it’s submissive behaviour and I fail to see the point.”

Read the full article here

On a sidenote, I’m not quite sure what this means: “sexting is a pornographic way for girls to give their power away,” so I can’t say I agree with that but I do like the rest of it.

Shannon T. Boodram

Please do me a favour and head to:citytv.com/toronto/citynews/life/health/article/67040—laid-a-compilation-of-real-sex-stories-for-young-people hit “Recommend” at the top, Thanks

So this article is actually all thanks to my mom. She wrote every single person at City until one wrote back and said she would look at Laid to consider it for an online story. Well, VIOLA! Here is the online story I have actually been harassing City to do a news piece about the book but I’ve had no success thus far. I think if the story does well online I will have a much better chance so please click the link and recommend it! Now you can click more to read the story Read more »

Time for some honesty here. My entire life, and I mean as far back as I can possibly remember, I haven’t felt good about me. Other girs they had better hair, they were thinner, funnier, bigger eyes, smaller hips, they got the boys. So after breaking up with what is now known as my first love, I did what any girl with very little self esteem, and very little self respect would do… What is that you may ask? I went out and got attention. In anyway possible. I had just turned 18 and where I am from that means bars, drinking, partying and fun. This one night a friend of mine and I went out. Now there are still those other girls those for lack of a better word better girls. I saw them then, what I also saw was this guy. With no exaggeration he was HOT I mean smoking hot, I wanted him, so that is what I spent the night trying to get. Being persistent and stubborn that is what I got. Now I will also say that  I often had to drive home, so not only was I stubborn, I was sober. I had a friend with me so me her and my new prize left the bar and dropped her off at home. He Ran his hand up my thigh and I knew that we both knew tonight was going somewhere. I would do anything he asked, after all I was the girl that he left with, the one he chose. I wanted him to want me and he did. Read more »

Recently I revisited LAID…this book I dunno if you’ve heard of it but it’s amazing ;) and came across something I didn’t pay enough attention to when I first read it:

“If your sexuality was a canvas and every partner that you’ve ever had painted something on it, what would it look like? Is your canvas crowded? Is it a masterpiece?? Or is it straight graffiti??”

So I thought about it for a veryyyyyy long time so I tried to write a poem which didn’t turn out the way I planned but such is life. I told the story of my “canvas” from my first sexual experience to my last and some details in between without actually saying it. You’re gonna have to read between the lines and figure out what I REALLY mean. It’s not “real poetry” in my eyes its just a little wordplay and a lot of sexual innuendo that rhymes…which is fine cuz I’m not a writer I just write a lot. Warning: Some lines are just a foolish joke hopefully to evoke a giggle. enjoy!  

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I was asked to do a piece on finding and keeping a man, and while I don’t profess to be any relationship expert, I have gleamed a thing or two from my own relationship and from watching other people’s. This post is written mainly for an audience of women interested in dating men, but there’s also a lot of stuff that applies to relationships in general and I definitely welcome feedback from people outside of the target audience (especially straight men – do you think I’m being fair to you in my advice?).

Without further ado, here are five tips that I think really contribute to the creation and maintenance of a strong relationship:

1. Be good friends

If your image of an ideal relationship is based on anything you’ve seen in a mainstream chick-flick, do yourself a favour and catapult that image out of your head right now. You know how we girls complain that porn gives men unrealistic expectations of women? Well chick-flicks are the female porn: they tell us that out there waiting for all of us is a perfect, one-dimensional, “normal” man – and such a creature just doesn’t exist.

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