That title probably caught you off guard hehe but thats great. I randomly came across this link on twitter. It’s an article detailing the 10 steps to The Venus Butterfly–a tantric sex technique. They claim it pretty much gives a woman a super-orgasm! sweet! Its been around for forever but i’m now finding this out…As I read it I thought it was pretty intense so I felt the need to share. :D Enjoy!

lucky her.

78% of women do not explore the inside of their bodies (based on an internal survey). If they did, they would discover that the G-Spot can be a longer, deeper, more powerful orgasm than a clitoral orgasm.

The Venus Butterfly is an ancient Tantric lovemaking technique first practiced in India 3000 years ago. It allows the female to experience a high peak of ecstasy by having two primary erogenous zones pleasured at the same time, the clitoris and the G-spot. It is advisable for the woman to empty her bladder before embarking on G-spot stimulation or Venus Butterfly Technique since it does stimulate the urethra.

Tantra is a Sanskrit (ancient Hindu language) word that means to weave energy Yin (female) and Yang (male) energy between two lovers. This energy includes our thoughts, feelings, physical and sexual actions. Tantric Sex is a more intense, loving and respectful than a common quickie. Even the words for sexual organs are more poetic such as Pearl for Clitoris and Yoni for Vagina.

10 Steps to Venus Butterfly Technique

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Every human being has a sexual orientation based on their sexual preference. This is known to be a common knowledge fact; however, some knowledge has been left out of the common audience’s education on human sexuality.  In a quest to understand sexual preference and orientation, one major piece of the puzzle has been left out: Asexuality. 

Asexuality is just as much a sexual orientation as homosexuality or heterosexuality, but much resistance has been shown to the concept of asexuality as an orientation and/or sexual preference. This community is as real as the LGBTQ community or the heterosexual community, but has been met with resistance because of the dominating mindsets of today. In a world so centered on the human sexual experience, today’s society has a hard time understanding that a sexual orientation can be based on the preference of no sexuality needed.

Sexual orientation is based on one’s own sexual preference; therefore, asexuality is just as much a sexual orientation as homosexuality or heterosexuality. Why? Because asexuality is centered on a sexual preference that lacks or has no desire for sexual activity.

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David Jay is the founder of Asexuality.org (also known as AVEN). The young man identifies as a bi-asexual person, and has created the largest internet community for asexual visibility. I will be interviewing him today and posting another article on the LaidtheBook.com website soon. In the mean time, I thought I would share with you his interview on the U.S. hit talk show: The View.

Enjoy,

-Cristina Marrero

I never understood why it was so hard for men to understand how to please a woman. It really is not that difficult to be good in bed… you just have to be willing to pay attention. No woman’s body is ever exactly the same, just as no two women are ever alike. What pleases one may not please the other. Men seem to get frustrated by this diversity, then blame women for their bad performances in the sack. I’m sick of men putting all the blame on women. So, listen up, and listen up good. If you are a man who wants to know the real secret to the “How do I please a woman?” question, I am about to give you the coveted answer. You ready? You have to not be selfish, and actually pay attention to her NEEDS! Mind boggling isn’t it?

Being in theatre gives me access to a wide variety of different people. They tend to open up to me, sharing their stories on life, love, and sexual frustration. One of my cast members was speaking with me yesterday about her ex-boyfriend and his inability to perform. She told me that she had to hum a tune in order to stay awake during the act. If this were not bad enough, the guy was a freaking one minute man. In her words, “We did not even get to the main course.” Hell, they hardly touched the appetizer.

The girl (who will remain anonymous) proceeded to tell me that her ex came in under 30 seconds of her giving him a blow job. She did not even enjoy giving him head. She did it for his pleasure, and naturally expected the act to lead to other, more interesting, parts of the show. But after the bastard came, he asked, “Do you want to cuddle?”

When she asked him, “So, is that it? I don’t get anything in return?”

He explained, “I’m too tired.”

My friend rightfully told him to fuck off, and then proceeded to exit the room. Men, if you do not see the problem in this situation, then stop reading now because there is not hope for you.

In later months, the ex-boyfriend would contact her asking if they could get back together. He mentioned how good the sex was, and when she explained to this embezzle that he never even got her close to climax… he responded, “Yes, I did.” The arrogant bastard tried to tell her what she did or did not experience. Hell, no. Mark it down boys… that is a definite no, no. This guy is an example of what exactly NOT to be: Arrogant, cocky, self-absorbed, selfish, and to narcissistic to understand what he did wrong. There is nothing wrong with being bad in bed and wanting to improve… what is wrong is being too self-centered to admit you are bad in bed and need help.

You want to be good in bed? Then listen up. Here are a few steps to better your sex life.

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Infidelity. lol. This photo is so cute to me.

We all know her. She sits around listening to old love songs reminiscent of the good old days when she was in love, back when the feelings between her and him were mutual. Now she has a broken heart, a broken spirit, and worst of all a broken smile. She sits alone and wonders how a small crack in her relationship turned so quickly to a great chasm separating the two. There are many factors that can rip apart a seemingly seamless relationship. Aside from physical attraction and chemistry, the most important factors of a strong relationship are trust, commitment, and communication. These are the pillars and if any one of them somehow become fractured, the entire relationship is liable to collapse. When the bond between two people is shaky, sometimes one partner falls prey to infidelity. People cheat, not considering the detriment they cause to their partners. Americans seem to be straying away from committed relationships as marriage is on the decline and adultery is on the rise. Teens and young adults have “open relationships”, bending the rules so that cheating is fair game. This epidemic can be detrimental to the institution of marriage which may soon become a thing of the past.

This is the intro paragraph to a research paper I wrote about infidelity, marriage, suffering relationships, and opening up to love again after being hurt by infidelity.

lol. she forgot to bust the windows out his car. smh. amateur.

Infidelity hurts. However, only in biology is a broken heart a fatal disease—not in love. Oftentimes when strong romantic ties are broken, at least one person loses a part of herself, thus disabling her to fully trust, care for, or love another person as freely as she did before. Being overly protective of one’s own feelings can turn out to be self-destructive. There are many ways to facilitate the recovery of romantic despondency. This reconstruction is healthy and allows one to fully become immersed in love, a gift of life.

This is another random paragraph from somewhere inside my paper about: when relationships end some people (like myself) become kinda bitter and guard their heart like a prison.

This is where it gets personal.

I’VE BEEN CHEATED ON!

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Humanity assumes on a daily basis. We assume and make asses of ourselves, and not necessarily others. Until recently, I assumed all individuals were sexual. This is not true. In a world where sex dominates the media streams, it is easy to forget that sex is not everything. I have had the great privilege of meeting an individual who has reminded me of this fact. While he wishes to remain anonymous, my friend has granted me a peek inside his mind.

If you have not figured out what I am talking about, let me clarify: I am talking about asexuality. I will not presume to be an expert on the subject, nor will he, but I will attempt to bring you a glimpse of a world, we sexual beings, rarely have a chance to see. A world where physical aesthetics and sex do not dominate one’s life. In fact, sex plays no great part in this individuals mind other than it being a curious phenomenon.

This interview is not a representation of all asexual individuals, but rather, a glimpse into the mind of one asexual being. Just as I can not represent every lesbian on the face of the planet, neither can he represent every asexual person. Asexuality is as diverse as homosexuality or heterosexuality. Just as there is not one way to be homosexual, there is not one way to be asexual, and there are several classifications within the asexual community. I will be doing follow up blogs on the asexual community with more facts and scientific info, but for now, I would like to put a real human face (anonymous or not) on the term asexuality.

CM: What is asexuality in your own words?

ANON: I like the clinical definition of asexuality. Asexuality is not experiencing sexual attraction. But the working definition is that identities are based on actions and so identifying as asexual would mean that you do not pursue sex. How much of your life have you spent attempting to find a girlfriend/boyfriend?  And that is all the free time I have to juggle, and unicycle, and rock climb, scuba dive, or whatever the hell else I do: I have forgotten. Oh, and the casual swearing.

CM: So, no sex whatsoever?

ANON: Preferably.

The boy means it. To him, all forms of sex are equally unappealing.

CM: You said no sexual attraction, but do you have any other forms of attraction to women? Furthermore, are your attractions limited to one set standard gender identity?

ANON: Wow, that sentence really expands when you put it in politically correct terms. So, your question is in what way am I attracted to girls/boys?

CM: Yeah, that’s about right.

ANON: Then I am attracted to girls, in much the same way as others are attracted to friends. People I get along with, share common interest, think somewhat similarly… yeah that ends the list. Perhaps I should note, while I am not sexually attracted to women, I do find certain ones aesthetically appealing. For comparison: Have you ever met an art work you’ve ever wanted to have sex with?

CM: Well, I do have a few friends who have crushes on Disney characters.

As the conversation went on, I came to understand what he meant. His attraction is similar to an art collector’s admiration of a masterpiece. While the art collector doses not want to sleep with the work of art, they can still appreciate its beauty.

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Original camera-phone photography by me. My Homie had a super-dry-ass-condom in his wallet so I molded it into a heart and it stayed. smh. I think I'm gonna patent it and make them Valentine's day treats. It really should say "I Love You...now let's fuck"

Sex Dressed in Love’s Clothing.

I lay here on the pile of blankets. His heartbeat pulsates onto my chest like a loud stereo. I can’t help but bite my bottom lip as my eyes reflexively roll to the back of my head. My legs are uncontrollably shaking and I’ve lost total body control. Yes. The sex is that good. I open my eyes and look up to the sight of his moonlit eyes above his smile. The stars are the only eyes peeking at our every move. We endeavor in a sexual adventure—the tennis courts at 3am. It’s always been a fantasy of ours. The sky is our shelter, the moon is our night light, and the summer breeze is our oscillating fan. I admire the scenery for a moment then finally! A long-awaited euphoric feeling confiscates my body…to say the least. He whispers a convincing “I Love You” in my ear and kisses my lips as he begins to work his hips a little faster. I return these words like a serve at Wimbledon.  However, I’m the only one who speaks the truth. Tonight is perfect…to the naked eye. Read more »

A year and three days ago, my beautiful baby girl was born at 4:02am.  See, here she is:

Kathyrn's Daughter, 10/10/08

Isn’t she pretty?

OK, let’s be honest, she’s a little busted–she’s MUCH prettier now–but that’s because she had just made a very hard journey through the vaginal canal.

It’s probably a little uncomfortable to hear “vaginal canal” when you’re reading a sex blog, but you know what?  Sex can lead to pregnancy, which can lead to childbirth and children.  That is the reality of being sexually active.  So imma take this opportunity to tell you exactly how my labor went, gory details and all.

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Dear Herpes Girl,

I read your post card on this week’s Post Secret (www.postsecret.com), and I just have so many things to say to you. First, honey, WHAT were you thinking not using a condom? Using a condom properly and consistently will prevent pregnancy 97% of the time, and is the only method of contraception that protects against all sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV [1].

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you did use a condom, but that (a) dude didn’t tell you that he had herpes and (b) the outbreak was outside of the condom’s protective area. For that, I’m really sorry. He should have told you that he had herpes. And if he didn’t tell you, you should have ASKED. I know it’s uncomfortable asking someone in the heat of the moment—or anytime, really—if they have or have had any STIs, but it’s going to be a lot less uncomfortable than painful ulcerating lesions [2]. And if the outbreak was outside of the condom’s protective area, well, I don’t think there’s much you can do about that, especially considering that some outbreaks don’t have visible symptoms.

But honey, one of the most disturbing things in your note was that you wished that you’d had a chance to be a “slut” before contracting herpes. What, exactly, is a slut? Is it someone who has had multiple partners? If that’s the case, what about those people who have been in multiple monogamous sexual relationships? Are they sluts?

I’m going to venture to say no, because these are people who are sharing their bodies with a person who treasures it as much as they themselves do (or, I at least hope that’s the case). These are people that are taking measures to protect their minds, hearts, AND bodies. Being in sexual relationships is part of being an adult human being, and how far you allow that to go and with whom is your own business. Responsibility is not slutty.

On the other hand, if you’re talking about people who will sleep with near anyone and everyone without being a monogamous relationship, well, that’s a different story. But that kind of activity still doesn’t deserve a degrading name; it deserves a talking-to and maybe retaking a sex education class. As you’ve by now experienced, unprotected, risky sexual behavior is medically unsafe. It also takes its toll on you emotionally—sexual intercourse releases a hormone called oxytocin that causes you to bond with your sexual partner. If you break that bond, it becomes harder to make the next bond stick, even harder for the one after that, and so on and so forth [3]. And if you’re bed-hopping even just once a week, that gives you 52 INDIVIDUAL chances to contract something. It’s 52 times that you’ve broken that biological bond. It’s dangerous to both your heart and your body, hon. Think about that.

It pains me that in your mind, women who sleep around are automatically labeled as sluts. And yes, I say women because I’m pretty sure that your assessment doesn’t apply to men. Are men who sleep around sluts? In my mind, if we’re going to be name-calling, yes. Men who sleep with tons of women deserve to be called sluts. But does anyone deserve to be called a slut?

“Slut” is a really harmful name. It can completely shred a person’s self-esteem for no good reason. It can cause the recipient of such an insult to begin engaging in risky behavior, when before, he or she was a normal, sexual being.

I urge you to do three things, dear: one, go buy yourself a box of condoms and keep them in your purse and bedside table. I recommend Trojan 2Go for your purse; with their hard case, they’re less likely to get mangled. They can be purchased here: http://www.condom.com/trojan-2-go-ultra-thin-condoms.html. Two, get a prescription for Valtrex; it will help with preventing outbreaks, which will make your life more comfortable and help keep your future partners’ health safe. Three, please fix your attitude concerning having multiple partners. If you do, we’ll have a lot fewer broken women walking around out there.

Safe and Happy Banging,
Kathryn
1. World Health Organization, “Effectiveness of male latex condoms in protecting against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections,” http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs243/en. Internet. Accessed on 8 October 2009.
2. World Health Organization, “Herpes virus type 2,” http://www.who.int/immunization/topics/herpes_2/en. Internet. Accessed on 8 October 2009.
3. Your Amazing Brain, “The science of love,” http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm. Internet. Accessed 8 October 2009.

Perhaps one of the most interesting conversations I have had online was with a young woman who worked in the adult entertainment industry. She grew up in the Caribbean and was sexually molested and raped as a child. In elementary school she was labeled a slut, so she decided to add a pricetag to the word…

Shannon: What are some major misconceptions that others have about people who work in the porn industry?
Interviewee: That we are unholy, have no morals, basically that we are the bottom of the earth and have no respect for ourselfs, and have no goals or ambitious in life.

S: What is the most important lesson you’ve learned about sex through your work in the porn industry?
I: As long as your in the industry outside people of the industry will never respect you.

S: Do you think your past has a lot to do with what business you ended up in?
I: Part of it does. I got a jump start on how some men think of women as objects or toys they can pull out a box and put away when they are board but I have always thought outside the box. My past is not forcing me into the industry my past made me understand how most men see women. I choose to be in the industry to be accepted by a community who understands what it’s like to feel labeled a black sheep and unwanted and turning it to have so many men desire them and never have them.

S: In my conversations with others about sexual abuse they usually explain that in the aftermath of the attack(s) most victims either become extremely protective of their body or extremely unattached. Do you feel unattached?
I: I am extremely unattached I feel like my body doesn’t even belong to me. Since the majority of my life I felt I had no voice, having a voice is very weird to me and it’s weird because being in the industry I am around people who actually listen to me and actually respect what I want.

S: Alright so to recap: you like the porno industry because it gives you a sense of control over your sexuality because everyone’s intentions are written – there are no lies.
I: Exactly, everyone is on the same playing field so there is no power struggle. I know I control what goes on.

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What is rape?

Is it just physical forcing of sex?
Can it be a psychological control?
Do you have to be penetrated to be raped?
Can sexual rape occure when a victim is made to feel trapped and escape no longer becomes a possibility in their mind?

I know, this one is going to be deep… prepare yourselves.

I recently met someone who, I believe, has been raped. She was not physically forced to do anything, but she was psychologically manipulated into doing an act she did not really want to do. She was made to feel mentally trapped and twisted into a very emotionally complex moment, in which, she could not think of any other options. She felt trapped. I believe that feeling is the key to defining (non-medicated) rape.

   Rape:
An act of plunder, violent seizure, abuse; despoliation; violation  

Rape does not just mean being physically forced to do something. It has many meanings; however, the word that defines it best would be violation. What happens when one is raped is something far greater than any physical act. Rape leaves a deep sense of violation. A sense that something has been taken away. Rape leaves a victim feeling like something has be stolen from them, thus the word: Rape.

Rape has many different shapes and forms. When we feel deeply violated, our spirit has then been raped. When September 11th happened, a countries sense of security was violated. A country was then left feeling as if it had been raped. When a loved one is taken away by a murder or a tragic event–then do we feel raped. Rape is more than an act. Rape is the mental anguish a victim is left with. It is an abuse. As abuse can be both physical and mental… so can the thing we call rape.

It was through meeting this remarkable individual I mentioned earlier that I began to look at my past experiences. Over the years, I have met many who have been raped, but never considered myself a victim of rape. I came to realize I to had been raped–even if the law would never see it as such. I was made to believe their was no other option. I was made to feel trapped. After the act was finished–I was left with a sense of deep violation. No one did anything to me… in fact, I was the one doing the act– but I did not want to do it. At that point in time I felt there was no other option. No did not feel like a viable option. I would go tell a few friends trying to act like I was so happy I had finally done something… but then I proceeded to cry on my best friends shoulder for hours on end. Consumed in tears and this indescribable sense of violation. It would not be until I met this new friend that I would come to realize what I had been through what was a form of rape–though the law would never acknowledge it because it was between to women. (The law does not acknowledge sex between women–or tries its best not to)

This self discovery after–long, hard, honest self-examination–led to this blog. We have this violent visualization of rape, but I don’t think the rape happens so much in the act as much as it does with the dealing of what happened. It leaves you different and feeling lost, angry, confused. I would have a form of Stockholm’s syndrome with that ex of mine. I did not love her, but I was attached because of that event.

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‘Know what I think?  I think sex in modern day American society— because, of course, that’s all I can truly speak for— represents the wrong means towards the wrong end.  I was reading an article about men being afraid of commitment today, and one of the responses to the article was a guy saying, “We’re only after sex.”

Luckily, I’m a man, so I had the opportunity to explore the issue.  Is that really all we’re after?

As a man, I thought to myself about my own sexuality.  Contrary to popular belief, I do have sexual urges just like anyone else;  just because I’m a Christian and choose celibacy until marriage doesn’t mean I’m never tempted, nor does it doesn’t mean all of my thoughts are pure and G-rated.  Sex does matter to me.  It has mattered to me since an age I’m ashamed to admit; unfortunately, no matter how great your parents are, society doesn’t care who it exposes to sex or what age you are when it happens…

So, how much does sex matter to me?  That’s THE question of the moment.  Well, when I was younger— around middle school age— it mattered a lot.  Why?  Because it was foreign territory.  And it added a deeper level to human existence than I had ever imagined; no cartoon-watching, basketball-playing, pre-pubescent kid living out in the country imagines such things.  And once he’s exposed to it, all of a sudden, he becomes alien to his own humaity.

Then, of course, puberty kicks in— right in the middle of middle school— and EVERYTHING becomes about sex.  And alien becomes alien exploration.  But the planet’s forbidden, ya know?  At least, it’s forbidden by social constraints.  The thing is, schools tend to create their own sub-societies where the rules… get bent.  Mom and dad tell you to stay away from sex; peers tell you you need to act your age and embrace it…

[Uh... technically, my mother and father never even TOLD me about sex, but I got the impression of how it would be received in my house...]

It was at this point that it hit me:  what if the bump-and-grind of sex has little-to-nothing to do with our sex-fixations at all?  So I dug a little deeper…

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I was sitting in class the other night when the topic of “Haitian marriages” came up. The girl next to me mentioned that it was tradition for the men to not see their future wives for two months prior to the wedding. When i asked her why that was, she said it had to do with “the whole virgin” thing. Depraving the man of his desire to be with his future wife, will mean that he should want her that much more on their wedding day; when they are reunited. She finished by saying, “But today, who is a virgin before marriage?” 

That raised an interesting point in my head. Who is a virgin today before marriage? What happened to the age old tradition of “waiting” till you found your one true love? Where did it go? 

.
Today, i have personally discovered from my many journey’s to different universities, that more males are virgins entering college than females. I didn’t conduct an actual study, but based on the people i’ve met, for me, this statistic holds true. So how did the tables get turned around? Would you say that the females of our generation are the prowess in sexuality? 

“Back in the day” women were treated like a tiny, fragile, princess that had to be carried around on a pedestal. Women were expected to stay at home, cook, clean, and be healthy enough to bear children. This was common practice and accepted by societal standards, until some very stubborn women, declared enough was enough. Elizabeth Caddy Stanton and Susan B. Anthony were among some of the first women to fight for women’s equality in the late 1800’s. Stanton’s final address on women’s rights was given January 18, 1892 where she delivered her speech:”The Solitude of Self”. Stanton addressed the need for women to able to function on their own accord and the imperative nature of such recognition. And this was only the beginning. In the 1960’s women were fighting for equal rights in all aspects, not just the ability to be allowed title and estate, but to be payed the same amount as their male counterparts, rights to abortion, rights to do anything the boys could do. 

Today, women are not only expected to do anything a stinky boy can do, but do it better, faster, quicker, and cleaner. If that wasn’t enough, please repeat step 1 (cook, clean, manage house). Women are expected to be able to handle the demands of working, cleaning, cooking, and making sure susan and tommy are doing their homework. But when did sex enter this picture?

I heard the word “cunt” for the first time in 6th grade. Some girl in the cafeteria was getting into a verbal confrontation with another female when the word was screamed and echoed in the cafeteria. It was impossible to not hear, but on the other hand, WTF is a cunt? So i went home that day and ended up doing my homework wrong. In a typical display of rage, i decided to try out the new word i heard earlier on in the day to replace the word “stupid”. When my mom came to check on my  progress, i was so frustrated i started crying and said “I’m such a cunt!” Looking back on this, i’m pretty sure i remember my mom trying to hide a smile when she asked me if i even knew what the word meant. I said “stupid”. She laughed and told me to look it up in the dictionary. Well i did, and to no avail, the word was not listed. That’s where the story ends. My mom never brought up the word again, or what i said. I never got in trouble for saying it, and it was at least 2 more years until i would stumble across the word again.

Today, i hear girls in elementary flap their mouth off like i do after killing 1/5 of sailor jerry. 

and sex? I’m sure you have all heard horror stories of “someone who knows someone that knows someone” who got pregnant in high school. Then Middle school. Then Elementary. Babies having Babies is almost literal now. 

I don’t think this is what Ms. Canton had in mind.

So who is to blame for the sexual promiscuity explosion? The media? The Entertainment Industry? The Parents? Peer-Pressure? Or is it the lack of sexual education, in all aspects (the act of sexual intercourse, gay/lesbian/bi/trans,fetishes,etc), that should be blamed?  

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for sexual female empowerment/dominance…..

as long as it’s in a healthy, non-destructive, way.

~Carla