by Carla

Open your eyes.

Where the hell are you? Why are you wearing someone else’s clothes?

You take a look around as your eyes try to focus as the sandman returns from whence he came and you look over at the person you just slept with and think “dear god”. Plan B must go into action.

You quietly get dressed and try your hardest to remember everything you came in with. You look around this foreign situation and you pray that you have your cell phone with you.

Fumbling around your now sticky sweaty smelly jeans, you realize that you were smart enough to keep cash on you but your phone only has one bar left. Fuck.

Time to phone a friend.

You phone the friend and in a hurried frenzy, whisper to him, in an angry but somewhat amused voice, that you hitched a ride home with this guy and just woke up. Can you come get me?

He laughs and asks where you are.

Shit. Read more »

Yes, that's a sparkly vaj.

by Kathryn

Thanks to Jennifer Love Hewitt and her announcement concerning her sparkly lady-bits, Vajazzling is becoming a hot new trend in cosmetic maintenance.  And yes, “Vajazzling” is exactly what it sounds like: BeDazzling your vagina.

There’s an ongoing debate about the amount of babescaping your should perform on your hoo-ha, both in the single and married communities.  The bottom line is that you should do what’s most comfortable for you, but why is this even a debate?  Why are women (and some men) so worried about the state of their pubic hair that there’s even a discussion in the first place?

The fact that there’s a debate makes young women more aware of their vaginas and more self-conscious about the state of them.  In addition to worrying about weight, skin tone, clothing, accessories, and all those other things they worry about when trying to attract a mate, they now have to ask themselves, “Will he like my lady business, or is it too hairy for him?”  With Vajazzling, I have to ask if self-maintenance questions will soon include something along the lines of, “Should I get some decoration down there?”

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I read a really disturbing report a few days ago concerning a Tampa, Florida, doctor and one of his patients.  Here’s a small excerpt:

Dr. Daniel R. Lerom is listed in documents as having a long-standing sexual relationship with his Lakeland patient, listed only as “HK” in a lawsuit filed with Hillsborough County Circuit Court.

Each time they two had sex, documents say, the doctor would bill her Blue Cross Blue Shield Insurance for their “sessions.”

Text messages show that the 49-year-old doctor told his patient, “My body felt great all over after last night. “

“I wish you were here in the shower with me to warm me up.”

“If I were there, I would rub you and kiss you all over.”

The doctor even referred to himself as her “Red Hot Lover,” or RHL for short.

According to the original article, no charges have been filed with the State Attorney’s office, despite this type of behavior being a felony.  Ken Kramer, a researcher for the Citizens Commission on Human Rights, goes as far to call this psychiatric rape.

I didn’t know what psychiatric rape was, let alone that it existed.  To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure.  Mental Health Abuse gives a vague definition, basically stating that it’s a type of sexual assault that results from the empowered person, typically a mental health professional, taking advantage of the weakened mental state of the victim, typically a patient of the rapist.

I’m at a loss on this one, LAID Nation.  I think I’ve said my piece on rape here–it seems to be my go-to topic right now–but I’m completely flabbergasted by this issue.  There are just so many things wrong with this situation that I don’t know where to start, so I’m going to leave it up to you.

1.  Have you ever heard of psychiatric rape?

2.  Is this guy a giant douche for taking advantage of his patient like that (let’s not ever mention his self-moniker)?

3.  How about the medical fraud piece (charging her insurance every time they had sexual contact)?

4.  Do you think charges should be filed with the State Attorney General’s office?  Why or why not?

-Kathryn K

When I was 15 I had an experience with an ex girlfriend that is non to pleasant. I was young, naïve, and… I was innocent. She took that innocence from me. I mention it every now and again, but I don’t really talk about it in detail. It was date rape. There were no drugs, but she made me feel like there was no other option. As an adult I look back and think of everything I could have done to get out of that situation. I criticize myself and sometimes blame myself, but then I remember… I was a kid. I was 15 with no experience and a fear of this person who liked me not liking me anymore… hating me even. She was a manipulator and she manipulated my emotions in a way that made me feel as if I had no way out.

Why am I telling you this? Because this explains a lot about who I am. How I treat women, how I view myself, and how I treat others. It’s my dirty little secret, and I think I need to talk about it in an open forum.

See, I call myself a gentledyke because I am not a man, but I act like a gentleman… thus the term “gentledyke.” I treat women with respect. I look into their eyes, and I look at them. I try my best to keep my hands to myself, and I do my best to never cross a line. Some people think me a prude because of this, but there are reasons behind why I am like this. I never want to make a woman feel how I felt in that moment, or how I felt when I was with my first girlfriend.

She was verbally abusive, manipulative, self-centered, whore and an emotional wreck. Honestly, I don’t even know why I was ever with the bitch whore in the first place. She treated me like shit and put me in situations I did not want to be in. It was like she had this sick spell over me, and I desperately wanted out, but could not find the door.

She was the one who made me feel like a whale, and since then I have had issues with body image. She was the one who told me I was not good enough and should not try…crushing my fragile self-esteem… she was my first, and she was a nightmare from hell. Since my first girlfriend it has been a battle to find my inner strength and to believe in the one person who deserves my faith most… myself.

I am a gentledyke and a respectful girlfriend because I was shown exactly what not to be. This pours over into my friendships. I am a nurturer because I don’t want people to feel bad. I am sincere because I never want to make someone feel how she made me feel. She crushed me, and ever since that bitch I have fought to overcome the insecurities she placed in me because she could not fix them in herself.

This has been something that has just been quiet too long. I was 15. I was young. I was, by definition, innocent…if this happened now, it would be a different story, but back then… I had just found out what a blow job was and how lesbians had sex months before. It was an overwhelming drowning feeling, and if you are feeling that in a relationship… I hope this makes you realize you should get out. Your mental health comes first.

I promised myself I would never go back to someone like that. I promised myself I would never treat anyone like that. I would never make someone feel like I did, or put a woman in the situation I was in. I promised myself I would not let her keep me down, and so far I have done well, but every now and again I slip. I hold back, doubt myself, or sell myself short. I hope this makes you understand me a bit better, and I hope that this makes someone in a similar situation see that they should just get out and move on.

Now I am with someone I know would never put me in such a situation and who cares about me for who I am. She does not want me in her life because she needs a punching bag, and she does not treat me like shit. I don’t know what will come of it, but I know it’s not like that whore bitch I dated back when I was 15. These posters around campus are cheesy but true… what really matters is that when someone says “stop” you don’t keep going or try to change the statement… you just do it. You stop.

These experiences have a very negative and intense effect on a person’s lives, but they can also be a learning experience of what not to be, and how not to treat people. I learned, and I hope you learn too.

-Cristina Marrero

“Baby we’re in love, so it’s only right that we make love” said my 17 year old “boyfriend”.

“But why should we have to ‘make love’ if we already have it?” said the 14 year old me.

This was my first “sex talk”.

He kissed me with the deceit of a serpent’s tongue. Entranced by “I love you’s” and misguided by his words, I surrendered my cherished fruit. Need I say more?

Can someone please explain to me the whole birds and the bees thing? I don't get it.

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I was doing some of my daily news reading when I ran across a story that literally made my mouth drop open in surprise.  A U.S. Marine arranged for a man to break into his ex-girlfriend’s home and rape her.

Jebidiah Stipe (Casper Star-Tribune)

Yeah, that guy right up there.  His name is Jebidiah Stipe, and he allegedly posted an ad under his ex’s name in the “Casual Encounters” section on Craigslist that asked for someone to break into her home and rape her.  More surprisingly, someone replied.  Twenty-six-year-old Ty McDowell coordinated the date, time, and location of the rape “fantasy” via email with Stipe, not knowing that he was about to commit a heinous crime.

On December 11, 2009, McDowell broke into the home, gagged the woman, tied her up, and raped her.

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According to a January 28, 2010, report from The Smoking Gun, two Tennessee women who had accused a man of rape admitted that they consensually had sex with him in exchange for a pack of cigarettes.  Their excuse for doing so?  They “didn’t enjoy the sex.”  Read the full article here.

There are many things wrong with this, including the fact that the man may be considered to have been soliciting sex, but I’d like to focus on the false rape charges.  In the United States, 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.  Women in college are four times more likely to be sexually assaulted.  On top of that, only 40% of sexual assaults are ever reported to the police.  When false charges are made, not only are those numbers skewed, but the accuser also downplays the very-real plights of the sexually assaulted [1].

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Is this book too scandalous for your school?

Knowledge is power! I mean except of course, if we are not talking about sexual savvy because in that case, knowledge is: evil, sinful, and dangerous in the hands of anyone under 21.

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This is the message that the Menifee, California, school district is sending to members of their community and their students after pulling all Merriam-Webster Dictionaries off of their shelves because these books contain words like “oral sex.” Since removing the dictionaries last week, the school board has begun to form a committee that will formally vote on whether the ban will be permanent.

The Menifee ban on Merriam-Webster has sparked an explosion of responses on the net from each side: parents who agree that any and all sexual words are unwelcome on bookshelves, even if they exist within an English language resource as vital as a dictionary; and critics who are ashamed to see adults in positions of authority so fearful of sexual discussion they would rob their students of dictionaries to make the “problem” go away. These critics wonder, after the dictionary, what could possibly be next for those who believe banning books makes educational sense?

The ban feels so ridiculous, I know some people have laughed at the thought of it, but unfortunately the joke is on our youth, who once again will be let down by an outdated system that refuses to address its students’ dire need for in-class sexual education and honest discussion. Read more »

No drug ever got me as high
as being sixteen and having everyone
look at me.

It’s comforting
to have someone know you
and love you for who you are, inside,
but it’s painful to watch yourself become
too familiar, a song you used to worship
until it got so overplayed.

Some days I long to put aside
the cultivated convictions of my tasteful twenties,
paint my face in toxic colour,
waste time on my hair, vote
for consumerism with my dollars
and chase cheap thrills,
instant gratification.  Pretend
the world is still as simple
as it was in high school.

A teenage girl modeling her first “grown-up” outfit;
thank God we don’t live in the 1800s.

My sexuality and self of sense has evolved an enormous amount in the past decade, and I cherish that, but sometimes I miss how exciting and carefree things used to be.  I’ve been in a happy, long-term relationship for almost nine years now, but I’ve always struggled a little with the idea of committing my body and my sexuality to one person.  Sometimes I miss when it was just mine and I could do whatever I wanted with it.

What do you miss about your sexuality or life as it was in high school?  What do you appreciate about the way it’s evolved?

Shayla Duval

In a shameful bout of weakness, I started watching Jersey Shore last week.

I know, judge me.

For some reason, I got sucked in.  I think  that’s partially because of just the inane drama of it all, but also because that show has more sound bites per minute than any other show that I’ve ever watched.  Seriously, if you don’t watch it, you can probably still quote some of it because it is all over the Internet and American culture.

One particular sound bite that jumped out at me was from Episode 7:

“… but if I had to have sex with one person here, it would probably be him, ‘cause I know he’s a nice guy; he’s got to be clean.” ~Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, “Jersey Shore,” Season 1, Ep. 7

Despite my sarcasm and snarkiness in my last post, I’m actually not going to tear Snookers here a new one.  Her reasoning is the same used by many sexually active people out there, and I think it’s really important to emphasize that nice guys (and girls) can have STIs.  Remember that post that I wrote about the girl that got herpes from the first guy she had sex with?  She’s probably a nice girl—she’s only had sex with one guy.  And now she has herpes, and she’ll have it for the rest of her life.

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I don’t know how many of you visit FailBlog.org (it’s hilarious, BTW), but for those of you that don’t, here’s something that surfaced this past week:

What disturbs me isn’t the question, although that’s not too comforting.  It’s the answer.  Seriously?  An “infinite loop” of pregnant fetuses?

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I will never forget when I lost my virginity, either time. To be honest it’s a grey area for me, no I was not drunk or high. I was well in a relationship with a transgender for 4 years of my life. I was in high school, I fell in love. It was an interdependent love but it was mine. So this boyfriend of mine wasn’t fully equipt we still had sexual encounters, and well that could be how I lost my virginity. If you count sex as the intimate act or being together, but if you look it up and follow the real definition then things change. If we are going with my first time with a penis involved well then I suppose I lost it to a guy I met in a bar. Not the night I met him but about a month later. He was from a town 2 hours south of where I live, I went there to party. So for a month we chatted online via the phone texted you know the long distance flirting. I had friends near him so when one was having a birthday I let him know. He so nicely said I could stay with him. We had sex in his dirty little apartment, he wore ripped boxers and after I felt dirty. So ended that. See I didn’t think it was a big deal because I had my other intimate moments and those were better, special even. So no matter what the case I am not a virgin. Especially since I have had my fair share of sex since then. Wonder what happened to my love the transgender lets call him Steven, well we broke up and got back together like any good over dramatic couple. Then we got engaged moved in together and well broke up again. I am glad really very glad, he has a new girlfriend now no doubt they will get married. She seems good for him something I wasn’t. Read more »

Recently I revisited LAID…this book I dunno if you’ve heard of it but it’s amazing ;) and came across something I didn’t pay enough attention to when I first read it:

“If your sexuality was a canvas and every partner that you’ve ever had painted something on it, what would it look like? Is your canvas crowded? Is it a masterpiece?? Or is it straight graffiti??”

So I thought about it for a veryyyyyy long time so I tried to write a poem which didn’t turn out the way I planned but such is life. I told the story of my “canvas” from my first sexual experience to my last and some details in between without actually saying it. You’re gonna have to read between the lines and figure out what I REALLY mean. It’s not “real poetry” in my eyes its just a little wordplay and a lot of sexual innuendo that rhymes…which is fine cuz I’m not a writer I just write a lot. Warning: Some lines are just a foolish joke hopefully to evoke a giggle. enjoy!  

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DISCLAIMER: This post is the exclusive opinion of the author and does not reflect the opinion of the United States, the United States Department of Defense, or the United States Army.  Additionally, the above photo is credited to ABC News (Photo Illustration).

So, that post that I wrote about pregnant soldiers getting court-martialled?  This is a BIG DEAL on Capitol Hill right now, to the point that Maj. Gen. Cucolo, the commander of Multi-National Division-North, has spoken up about it.  Here’s a small excerpt from the ABC World News report:

“I regret that the term court martial is bandied about or mentioned,” Cucolo said from Iraq in a conference call. “I do not ever see myself putting a soldier in jail for this.”

Pregnant soldiers are immediately redeployed out of combat zones to bases where they can get comprehensive medical care.

“The true purpose behind this is to cause them to pause and think about, ‘Okay wait a minute. It was written in the order and I’m going to leave my team. I’m going to leave an outfit shorthanded,’” Cucolo said.

Cucolo said that he was not surprised by the reaction and intense interest in his general order, but that those outside the military may not be able to fully understand his motivation.

For the entire article, click here.

I’m pretty sure this is the last time you’ll hear from me on this topic, readers, since it seems to be resolving itself.  However, the entire issue does raise one particular question for me: is this indicative of an attitude against women serving in the military, permeating even the highest ranks?

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DISCLAIMER: This post is the exclusive opinion of the author and does not reflect the opinion of the United States, the United States Department of Defense, or the United States Army.  Additionally, the servicemembers pictured are in no way affiliated with this post.

This morning, under the foot and a half of snow that dumped itself on the American Northeastern and Mid-Atlantic states, my husband told me that the U.S. Army is now court-martialling* pregnant soldiers.

WTF?!

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