Posting tweet...
David Jay is the founder of Asexuality.org (also known as AVEN). The young man identifies as a bi-asexual person, and has created the largest internet community for asexual visibility. I will be interviewing him today and posting another article on the LaidtheBook.com website soon. In the mean time, I thought I would share with you his interview on the U.S. hit talk show: The View.
Enjoy,
-Cristina Marrero
The best thing I learned from the Women of Influence Conference is something we already know but truly don’t ever do:
I never understood why it was so hard for men to understand how to please a woman. It really is not that difficult to be good in bed… you just have to be willing to pay attention. No woman’s body is ever exactly the same, just as no two women are ever alike. What pleases one may not please the other. Men seem to get frustrated by this diversity, then blame women for their bad performances in the sack. I’m sick of men putting all the blame on women. So, listen up, and listen up good. If you are a man who wants to know the real secret to the “How do I please a woman?” question, I am about to give you the coveted answer. You ready? You have to not be selfish, and actually pay attention to her NEEDS! Mind boggling isn’t it?
Being in theatre gives me access to a wide variety of different people. They tend to open up to me, sharing their stories on life, love, and sexual frustration. One of my cast members was speaking with me yesterday about her ex-boyfriend and his inability to perform. She told me that she had to hum a tune in order to stay awake during the act. If this were not bad enough, the guy was a freaking one minute man. In her words, “We did not even get to the main course.” Hell, they hardly touched the appetizer.
The girl (who will remain anonymous) proceeded to tell me that her ex came in under 30 seconds of her giving him a blow job. She did not even enjoy giving him head. She did it for his pleasure, and naturally expected the act to lead to other, more interesting, parts of the show. But after the bastard came, he asked, “Do you want to cuddle?”
When she asked him, “So, is that it? I don’t get anything in return?”
He explained, “I’m too tired.”
My friend rightfully told him to fuck off, and then proceeded to exit the room. Men, if you do not see the problem in this situation, then stop reading now because there is not hope for you.
In later months, the ex-boyfriend would contact her asking if they could get back together. He mentioned how good the sex was, and when she explained to this embezzle that he never even got her close to climax… he responded, “Yes, I did.” The arrogant bastard tried to tell her what she did or did not experience. Hell, no. Mark it down boys… that is a definite no, no. This guy is an example of what exactly NOT to be: Arrogant, cocky, self-absorbed, selfish, and to narcissistic to understand what he did wrong. There is nothing wrong with being bad in bed and wanting to improve… what is wrong is being too self-centered to admit you are bad in bed and need help.
You want to be good in bed? Then listen up. Here are a few steps to better your sex life.
I told him I loved him today and he spit the seldom used words back into my face. I just can’t win at this love thing. I think maybe if I practiced voodoo or delved deep enough into wicca, I could conjure up a love potion that I could unleash on the world, and no one could say; “I’ve never loved”, someone will have at least loved someone once, even if it is just once, they still loved and someone still loved them.
My heart has many I.O.U’s to redeem.
I’m not sure why I even try, or for that matter care in the first place. It seems to me the more cold hearted and selfish I am, the more people will come to love me. Had I known this, I would have taken bitch face out of the closet for all the world to see many many moons ago. I had her hanging in the back of my closet collecting dust with other trinkets and rarely used items. She happens to hang right next to my never been worn negligee.
Chris Issak knows what I’m talking about
But even as I write this and tears build in my eyes and my body’s heat keeps rising in intensity, I want to grab him and scream with all my might how crazy he makes me feel and how I wish I could just fucking talk him; but he has to be open and honest with me. I’m fighting an imaginary battle from a third person perspective.
“Don’t be upset. He’s being a retard”, my adoptive little sis says to me via text.
I don’t speak Gump but at least Gump knew what love was.
At least he knew that some soldiers die before they ever make it to the battlefield.
—Carla Wright
Infidelity. lol. This photo is so cute to me.
We all know her. She sits around listening to old love songs reminiscent of the good old days when she was in love, back when the feelings between her and him were mutual. Now she has a broken heart, a broken spirit, and worst of all a broken smile. She sits alone and wonders how a small crack in her relationship turned so quickly to a great chasm separating the two. There are many factors that can rip apart a seemingly seamless relationship. Aside from physical attraction and chemistry, the most important factors of a strong relationship are trust, commitment, and communication. These are the pillars and if any one of them somehow become fractured, the entire relationship is liable to collapse. When the bond between two people is shaky, sometimes one partner falls prey to infidelity. People cheat, not considering the detriment they cause to their partners. Americans seem to be straying away from committed relationships as marriage is on the decline and adultery is on the rise. Teens and young adults have “open relationships”, bending the rules so that cheating is fair game. This epidemic can be detrimental to the institution of marriage which may soon become a thing of the past.
This is the intro paragraph to a research paper I wrote about infidelity, marriage, suffering relationships, and opening up to love again after being hurt by infidelity.
lol. she forgot to bust the windows out his car. smh. amateur.
Infidelity hurts. However, only in biology is a broken heart a fatal disease—not in love. Oftentimes when strong romantic ties are broken, at least one person loses a part of herself, thus disabling her to fully trust, care for, or love another person as freely as she did before. Being overly protective of one’s own feelings can turn out to be self-destructive. There are many ways to facilitate the recovery of romantic despondency. This reconstruction is healthy and allows one to fully become immersed in love, a gift of life.
This is another random paragraph from somewhere inside my paper about: when relationships end some people (like myself) become kinda bitter and guard their heart like a prison.
This is where it gets personal.
I’VE BEEN CHEATED ON!
Oh it’s the same ol’ thing. I haven’t been a teenager for 14 years and teen sexuality is still the same.
I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve seen or read this same response over the past week. For real so you grew up with the net and know what it’s like to type in “teenager” to be greeted with thousands of porn pics? And I bet you also knew what Viagra was by the time you were 8. And of course video girls of the 70’s and 80’s are dressed the same as today 
On the other hand I’m not sure if sex in our time is as “Slack” as people portray it either. I’m not sure if sexting, rainbow parties, rampant unprotected hookups, threesomes, shag bracelets and other media buzz words are the big issue. To me the real problem is that with all of the sexual messages that we are bombarded with each day, there is not an equal effort to teach 1) how to sift through what’s honest and what’s b.s. 2) How to actually find out what kind of sex life will work for you specifically. I do however think we are doing a good job about being more open to talk about sex and in taking an interest in how to be good at it (see that amazing Trey Songz video for proof! though I do think many people need to go back to the basics to get a more in depth lesson on anatomy) . So with that I ask you:
Read the full article here
macleans.ca/2009/11/16/warning-parents-might-freak-out
I truly feel like I have to fight so hard for every small accomplishment. That’s why everything probably seems like the world’s biggest deal. This is a great article and really good coverage for the book.
If you know of ANY media outlets that might be interested in covering LAID please let me know.
Thanks,
Shannon
March 8, 2008
It’s a night she’ll never forget, it was the last night everything would be normal for her. Kat had just come back from the doctor. The treatments where getting stronger but her doctor told her it was for the best. Her friend, Keith, had taken her to her doctor appointment because her best friend, Vanessa, had to work late that day. They had dated briefly after she called off her engagement with Chris, her boyfriend, of 5 years. He convinced her to give him a try to get her mind off of the past, it didn’t work. She learned that he was very obsessive and controlling. She broke it to him easily by simply telling him she couldn’t get pass the love she still felt for Chris and think they should just be friends.
“So how’s everything going?” he asked as he helps her in bed, pulling back the heavy covers and removing all the extra pillows.
“It’s going okay I guess,” she had been on dozens of different medications before her doctors found the correct combination of drugs to help. This had been her life for the past three years and she was growing tired of it all.
Josey Vogels is someone I admire and someone who has guided me a lot along my sexual-educating-way. She is putting together an anthology. Josey is a household name with several published books by both Penguin and Harper and Collins. She is extremely influential and one of the most celebrated sexual educators across North America. If you are a writer, I really think you should consider submitting, here is the message she passed on to me that I’d like to share with you:
I’m working on my next book and looking for personal stories from couples. I’m wondering if you’d be willing to send the following call for submissions out to your network.
Best,
JoseyLooking for your stories!
Canadian sex columnist and author Josey Vogels (joseyvogels.com) is looking for personal stories from couples for her next book. If you have funny, serious or touching anecdotes or stories in any of the following categories, please send them to: letters@joseyvogels.com. Names and identities will be changed upon request.
Most memorable:
Seduction by your partner.
Kiss from your partner.
Massage
Oral sex
Intercourse
Sexual position
Anal sex
Sexual fantasy (either acted upon or not)
Roleplay
Experimentation with sex toys
Extreme play (bondage, spanking, sensation play)
Spiritual encounter (through breathing, touch, Tantric practices,)
I took a moment to put my macho aside and watched this “chick flick” and found myself reflecting on some of the onscreen caricatures. To think a “red blooded” male watching a fluff film for subtext, symbolism and insight??? Crazy I know, but it happened… and the scary part is that I found some…
…So check it…one of the women in the film is hopelessly seeking love and meaning in every Tom, Dick and dummy she meets, and while I would love to say that this caricature was overdone, sadly, it was not… I’ve met a number of girls similar to that and shake my head every time. High Love and Sex IQ is not innate – I get it… some of us are just better at it than others, but why do so many women “give up the goods quickly” with expectations of forever, get upset when love is unrequited, without first:
(1) reasonably communicating intentions so guys can: a) run; or b) buyin to your dream?
(2) conditioning the mind and heart to accept the first few interactions for what they are; part of the courtship dance?(confining hopes and dreams until you have more data on the dude you are considering sleeping with too soon)
Sorry to sound preachy, but you know when you watch a cheesy horror flick and the monster is right behind the next door and you yell at the screen… Always so easy to give advice when you’re not in the situation…
In my opinion the film falls short in that they justify this character’s self destructive approach with the cliche “better to have loved and lost… than never to have loved at all” when what women may want to take away from it is “he’s just not that into you, and he’ll take it and run if you let him.” So maybe it’s better to dig a bit and read the signs, no matter how cute, buff, rich, athletic, temporarily attentive he may be.
To all those girls who do their homework and still get burned we’ll talk about this another time….
girls… guys don’t “feel” anything in the beginning … we just “appreciate” the physical attributes you allow us access to.
–Chris
Let me start off by saying that nothing positive has ever occurred in my life at 3am.
Intro to sex...101.
We’re just F*ckin’.
I slowly pull up into his townhouse parking lot as my headlights shine through his window, illuminating his living room. I can see him waiting for me on the love-seat. The door creeks open. It’s cold. So I can’t help but wonder why his calculator-button abs are exposed through his unzipped hoody. Does he think that’s sexy? His nipples are so hard that they look like googly eyes staring at me…put a shirt on.
“Hey! What’s up”, I say as I reach for a hug.
“Nothin’ much”, he says as he closes the door, begins to kiss me, unzips his pants, and attempts to put a condom on…all in about 5 seconds.
#pause. Damn can I get comfortable first?!?!
I take a step back. “WTF are you doing?”
“Not so loud. My mom is asleep. And what do you mean? You know why you came”. The condom is on. You would think he’s been hard for an hour already. He grabs my hand and signals me to the basement. I give off a puzzled look, as if to say “What the hell am I doing here?”, but it’s not like he’s focused on my facial expressions. Read more »
So I returned home after an incredible interview from Maclean’s Magazine’s Anne Kingston, to see this in my inbox:
Cody describes his first real-life ejaculate-to-the-face finale like this: “It was the happiest moment of my young life. There is just something about blowing a load in a chick’s face that makes you feel like a man.”
It’s an excerpt from Details Magazine’s article, HOW INTERNET PORN IS CHANGING TEEN SEX. Funny enough one of the key topics Anne wanted to talk about was that very question: Is Internet porn changing youth sexuality? A fan of LAID had sent this article to me and I suggest you read it to, it’s quite interesting.
I speak briefly on how porn influenced my sexual perception in my teens in LAID but I’m curious how it altered yours. You don’t have to speak from personal experience if you’d rather not you can just mention in general, how you think porn is impacting teen sex today.
This video is flagged as “Not Suitable For Minors.” You must log in and prove to be over 18 to view it. Yet Drake’s video, Best I Ever Had, that was drenching with bouncing breasts, small shorts and girls who were just waiting for the “coaches orders” is fine. Mystikal’s Shake Ya Ass – is fine. Cold Flames, Miss Me Lick Me which shows a bunch of frat girls clawing at some random ass dude while they’re half naked and he’s fully clothed – is fine! In my opinion if minors are going to watch videos with sexual messages it should be ones like Trey Songz’. It just shows the joy of touching. I loved it from start to finish.
If you were to flag any music videos as inappropriate, which would you choose and why?
Wallpaper of the girls from Soul Calibur
My husband is a great big enormous video game nerd. No, he’s a way bigger video game nerd than your guy. My husband constructed his own DDR pad when he was nineteen. My husband wired an actual electric drum kit so you can play Rock Band with it. Did your guy ever do that?
(I swear I have a point. I’m getting there.)
Needless to say, he basically sends flowers and candy grams to any video game company that makes a game I actually want to play with him. And hey, I’m not anti-video games or anything, I just don’t often find games that are appealing to me.
Actually, I don’t often find games that are appealing to girls in general.
With the exception of casual games like Bejeweled and Peggle, RPGs (which tend to be heavily story-based), and music games (which tend not to have plots or characters at all) there aren’t really a lot of video games that accurately portray women, or that women can relate to. For the most part, we can put games in three categories: games with male main characters (marketed to guys); games with female main characters as one-dimensional sex objects (marketed to guys); and games that are specifically marketed “for girls.”
